Limerick writers flush HB 2 down the loo

Wes Long
Wes Long

The Charlotte-Raleigh bathroom wars, of course, had limerick writers sprinting to their computers in Week 2 of the Observer’s politics and public policy limericks contest.

Entries came from locales as exotic as England, France and even Iowa. This week’s winner, though, is homegrown: Wes Long of Cramerton sent in several strong entries and flushed away all competition by wondering which bathroom North Carolina’s governor will use under House Bill 2.

Pat McCrory will have to adhere

To the sign on the door, this is clear.

But there’s no silhouette

On a bathroom door yet

Of a guy with his head up his rear.

Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte followed up his victory last week with another impressive batch. Our favorite:

Charlotte thought it the right thing to do,

Pass an ord’nance ’bout using the loo.

Raleigh got so upset

That they specially met

And for 12 hours went number 2.

We’ll give John Long of Stanley the last word (for now) on the bathrooms:

Charlotte: the modern-day Sodom.

You lookin’ for perverts? They got ’em.

But in Raleigh, the right,

Like a gallant white knight,

Passed laws so they can’t see your bottom.

On to more dignified topics, such as President Obama’s trip to Cuba, where he attended a baseball game not long after the terrorist attacks in Brussels. Steve Kardisco took sarcastic comfort in Obama’s sticking to his schedule.

In Brussels the moment was grave.

But here in the home of the brave

As we held loved ones near

We had nothing to fear

’Cause Obama was doing “the wave.”

Obama’s term is coming to an end. Phil Clutts of Harrisburg worries about one potential replacement:

To the wealthy his speech often slanders,

To the young and naïve it just panders,

You can take it from me

They’ll redefine “free,”

If there’s ever a President Sanders.

OK, OK, a couple more on the bathrooms bill. Sharon Vaughn, apparently, is a Seinfeld fan and decided the Soup Nazi would like the N.C. law.

The cavemen in Raleigh decree

Not only can’t you choose where to pee;

A restaurant can say

“We won’t serve you, you’re gay;

No soup for you LGBT!”

Charlotte Observer and New York Times reader Edie Gelber-Beechler gets the last word.

McCrory has soothed all our fears;

Now our restrooms can ring the all-clears!

But the Times got it right –

Forget “First in Flight” –

It’s in bigotry we’re pioneers.

The contest runs two more weeks. Email your entries to tbatten by 9 a.m. Wednesday.

Here are a few of the other best entries from this week:

From Charlotte Haberyan of Charlotte:

Pity officers when nature calls. 

HB2 has their backs to the walls. 

After sworn to endorse it

Just how do they enforce it?

I get cops in the malls, but the stalls?

From John Humphries of Lancaster, Pa.:

It’s an all too familiar refrain

NC lawmakers labeled insane

It would really be nice

If they got just a slice

Of Dale Jr’s donated brain.

From Gwen Veazey of Morganton:

Born female, my folks named me Joyce

But soon I felt male, had no choice.

Girls at the sink

What will they think

Of my beard and my baritone voice?

And from Paul Caruso of Hickory:

Lim’rick season is here it’s time

Politicians are marks so prime

Though they’d be cheesier

Trump’s would be easier

If orange would just have a rhyme