Gov. Pat McCrory signed House Bill 2 the day our first installment of the Limericks Contest ran, and it proved to be the gift that kept giving to our poets. That and Donald Trump – or, in this week’s case – Trump’s children.
Our weekly and overall winner is Bill McGloughlin of Charlotte. When HB 2 prompted the porn site xHamster to block North Carolinians from accessing its content, McGloughlin thought that was fitting.
Who’d have thought that my i.p. address
Would be blocked, by a porn site no less,
Because I’m in N.C.,
But I guess where i.p.
Was the start of this whole silly mess.
Wes Long of Cramerton insists he knew about the xHamster development only because he read about it in the news::
Seems a porn site gave N.C. the bird,
’Cause they think HB2 is absurd.
Now their website is locked,
And their content is blocked!
All I’m saying is, that’s what I’ve heard.
Long also predicted how things would play out after Trump’s children, Eric and Ivanka, failed to register to vote in New York:
In New York, Donald’s kids made the news,
But his campaign should not feel a bruise.
They were caught unaware,
Didn’t register there,
Which just means two less votes for Ted Cruz.
But back to McLoughlin, who sent in a number of strong limericks, including one about the delegate fight within the Republican Party.
When he wasn’t the first ’cross the line,
Trump cried out, “Cruz took votes that were mine!”
So the king of all branding
Just keeps on expanding,
Trump Vodka, Trump Steaks, and Trump Whine.
John Long of Stanley read a story about Tennessee lawmakers passing a law to make the Bible the state book.
Tennessee took a turn for the worse,
It’s enough to make nice people curse,
If they make their State Book,
The Bible, then look,
“Jesus wept” should become the State Verse.
Phil Clutts of Harrisburg had a different take on Trump’s kids’ failing to register to vote.
Whatever you think of Trump’s views,
Or his chances of beating Ted Cruz,
It would sure be ironic,
Or even moronic,
If his kids were to cause him to lose.
Most of our other limerick writers were focused on House Bill 2, known as the Bathroom Bill. Lou Breaux of Charlotte knows a law is meaningless unless it can be enforced.
OK guys ... Listen up ... Man your stations!
This is big stuff ... public relations!
Forget Crime Stoppers,
We’re urinal coppers,
Enforcing bathroom regulations.
Frank Koconis of Matthews also expects some enforcement of the bathroom bill, and thinks the end of tipping bathroom attendants at Charlotte’s airport might be related.
The Douglas Airport bathroom corps
Received tips to maintain the decor.
But that practice has died
’Cause they’re now occupied
Checking birth documents at the door.
Finally, Charlotte Haberyan of Charlotte thinks British Prime Minister David Cameron’s investments in offshore trusts would have never come to light if data from a Panamanian law firm hadn’t leaked. Which of course brings us back to House Bill 2.
Due to lack of secure data tweaks
Cameron’s hiring more Microsoft geeks.
He should learn from N.C.
Cuz (for now) we agree
On the handling of safe public leaks.
That’s it for this year.
Thanks for playing, and for reading. It’s heartening to know that, regardless of who’s in the legislature, this state is filled with clever people.
Some other strong entries from this week:
From Bill Bennett:
How low has our common sense sunk?
Our governor, what has he thunk?
Down the toll lanes we zoom
to get to a bathroom
And then we must show him our junk!
From Connie Nolan, age 81:
I really just don’t see
All the fuss about taking a pee.
I think in the end
We should all wear Depends
That way no one’s the wiser, hee, hee.
From Gene Rinehart of Charlotte:
A young Scot who was slightly built,
Found himself drunk to the hilt,
When he entered the loo,
To do what he needed to,
He was arrested for wearing a kilt.
From Bob Aldrich of Lake Waccamaw:
When decisions involve the world view,
Obama can’t decide what to do.
As the high tensions grow
His mind goes to and fro
Then reverses and goes fro and to.
From Bill McGloughlin:
With the GOP stripping its gears,
Looks like Hillary’s in, but no fears.
As America’s Host
Bill would sure be the most
Entertaining First Lady in years.
Also from McGloughlin:
I’ve been waiting for lightning to strike,
But there’s no on one that I really like,
So I say, what’s the diff?
He’d be just one more stiff.
Sure, he’s dead, but I think I like Ike.
One more from McGloughlin:
Land of scuppernong wine, milk and honey,
We don’t need all that out-of-state money.
We love our used-to-be,
Opie, Andy, Aunt Bea,
But not Gomer, cuz he’s kinda funny.
From John Long:
Can you guess why the great Jimmy Buffet,
Didn’t tell Tar Heel fans just to stuff it?
He’s making the scene,
’Cause he’s needing the green,
But not cash. Here’s a hint: you can puff it.