“It’s very close to my heart because I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7-Eleven, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down, and I saw the greatest people I’ve ever seen in action.”
– Donald Trump, April 18
May 1, 2017
Remarks by the President
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The White House
President Trump: I want to welcome all of my Cabinet secretaries here for this meeting. In our first 100 days in office, we have already made America Great Again. Amazing!
I know everybody took a Big Gulp when I changed 9/11 to 7-Eleven last year. Erin Gloria Ryan of Vocativ said I would start talking about the Japanese bombing of Pearl Jam and the Native Americans’ Trail of Sears. Other terrible people – the worst! – thought I would refer to the Normandy landing on DQ Day, the Dodge Challenger disaster and the 1814 burning of the White Castle by the British.
Wrong! Turning 9/11 into 7-Eleven was the beginning of something huge. Phenomenal! The people at 7-Eleven loved it. Loved it! They said: Mr. Trump, if you could mention us and other corporations more often, we think it would help Make America Great Again. And I said: We will Make America Great Again by selling our assets to you and to America’s other great corporations.
We are meeting here in the MapQuest Room because our new Crate & Barrel Cabinet Room is being refurnished. Look out the window there and you’ll see amazing billboards going up on the Washington Mutual Monument, across the reflecting pool from the Lincoln Financial Group Memorial.
Jeff Sessions, our Homeland Depot Security secretary – great guy! – tells me Mexico has paid for the wall. It’s now the Aeromexico Wall – “because the only way around it is over it!” Great slogan! We are making the best deals, throughout the Federal Express government and across the United States of American Eagle Outfitters.
They said I couldn’t unify the Republican Party. Then I renamed the Navy the Ted Cruz Line. They said I couldn’t hold on to the evangelical Christians. Then I renamed the Liberty University Bell and Niagara Falwells.
Most of all, they said I couldn’t get rid of the entire federal debt – $19 trillion! But I knew that everybody wanted to buy American! So I sold the Treasury Department to Citigroup, the Pentagon to Lockheed Martin, the Food and Drug Administration to Pfizer, HHS to CVS, the EPA to Waste Management, the FBI to Apple and the NSA to Google. Great deals! China gave up all $1.3 trillion of our debt – and all I had to give them was the Walt Disney Company. Phenomenal deal!
Now corporations’ names are in amazing places – the greatest – and we are winning and making a lot of money. A lot. We are bringing out the best in America, the fast and convenient spirit of 7-Eleven, and I say: Oh, thank heaven. We are Making America Great Again.