Viewpoint

Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

O’Brien
O’Brien Getty Images

JIMMY FALLON

“Tuesday was the Indiana primary, and the results are in. Donald Trump saw his shadow, so there are six more months of the election!”

“Carly Fiorina was announced as Ted Cruz’s running mate. Fiorina said it’s always been her lifelong dream to lose twice in the same election.”

“During an after-party following the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, a fight broke out between reporters at Fox News and The Huffington Post. But no major details came out about the fight – ’cuz it was only witnessed by CNN reporters.”

“The White House announced that Malia Obama will attend Harvard University, but that she plans to take a year off before starting. Malia got the idea after seeing how much fun her dad is having with HIS year off.”

CONAN O’BRIEN

“Donald Trump now appears to be the likely Republican nominee. In a related story, Canada is getting ready for 45 million people to come crash on their couch.”

“Donald Trump criticized Hillary Clinton for making a remark he says is offensive to Native Americans. Trump’s exact words were, ‘You stole my speech.’ 

“As Bernie Sanders’ campaign is winding down, he had to fire hundreds of staff members. Now Bernie is down to a campaign director, a speechwriter, and a 22-year-old whose job is to keep explaining to him what Snapchat is.”

SETH MEYERS

“During Donald Trump’s foreign policy speech, he said when it comes to military action, we have to be unpredictable. Scary news for Iran, but terrifying news for Canada.”

“Last Thursday was Take Your Child to Work Day or as it’s known in China, work day.”

“Vice President Joe Biden made a surprise trip to Iraq, and no one was more surprised than him. ‘Last time I use Expedia!’ 

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