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Laugh Attacks

Humorists' comments on politics and public affairs

“Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their lovechild.”

“John Kerry is now criticizing John McCain. Kerry says McCain does not have the judgment to be president. I don't think that's true, I mean McCain had the good judgment not to accept Kerry's offer to be his running mate in 2004. That shows pretty good judgment right there!”

“Now McCain is coming under fire for comments made by his top economic adviser, former senator Phil Gramm, who called America ‘a nation of whiners' and said the country is only in a ‘mental recession.' Just a mental recession. Like the $5 a gallon gas, and the bank kicking you out of your house – that's all in your mind!”

“Here's some interesting political trivia. The last time the Democrats had their convention in Denver was when they nominated William Jennings Bryant in 1908. Coincidentally, you know who the Republican nominee was that year? John McCain. It's amazing.”

Jay Leno

“Yesterday at the G-8 summit, President Bush met with the Prime Minister of India. Yeah. There was an awkward moment when President Bush told the Prime Minister ‘Uh, I think I've been in your taxi.'”

“Barack Obama is campaigning very hard, going everywhere these days to get the vote out. Barack Obama's staff recently announced that Barack is planning to hold a campaign event at a NASCAR race. Yeah. The event will be called ‘Meet your first black guy.'”

“Speaking of politics, months ago, months ago, Hillary Clinton's campaign booked hundreds of hotel rooms for the Democratic National Convention, but now that she's out of the race, she doesn't need them anymore. Yeah. So … uh … just as Hillary's staff was about to cancel the hotel rooms, Bill Clinton said “I'll use ‘em.'”

Conan O'Brien

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