Viewpoint

Laugh Attacks

CONAN O'BRIEN:

“The Republican Convention is next week. John McCain's campaign told President Bush that despite his low popularity, he will be allowed to speak at the first night of the convention. He also told Bush that the convention starts in December.”

“Hillary Clinton gave a big speech at the Democratic Convention in support of Barack Obama. Experts say it was the longest speech ever delivered entirely through clenched teeth."

“During the Democratic convention, this is true, delegates are being warned this year not to drink too much. Yeah when asked why, Democratic officials said the last time we got drunk at a convention, we ended up nominating Walter Mondale."

DAVID LETTERMAN:

“Hillary gave a rousing speech, it was so passionate, emotional, I'm telling you, Nancy Pelosi's face almost moved.”

“Joe Biden is Barack Obama's running mate. Yeah nothing says change like a guy who's been in the Senate for 35 years.”

“The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works.”

JAY LENO:

“Although Joe Biden is in great physical condition, Republicans are raising questions about his health now. He had a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. Hey, you can't expect every vice president to be the picture of health like Dick Cheney.”

“Did you all see Michelle Obama's speech? Terrific, wonderful speech. You know, it was all the stuff she wanted to say on ‘The View,' if she could have gotten a word in edgewise.”

“Well the great thing about the Olympics, of course, is you have people who are otherwise enemies putting aside their differences and pretending to get along for a couple of days. I'm sorry, that's the Democratic convention.”

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