Viewpoint

Laugh Attacks

JAY LENO

“Well, here's some good news: the price of oil appears to be dropping. Energy analysts said $100 barrel of oil is on the horizon. To which President Bush said, ‘That's where we should be drilling for oil: on the horizon.'”

“I gotta admit, [Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential candidate] looked very comfortable at the podium ‘cause it's kinda like Alaska: you look out on that convention floor, nothing but white as far as the eye can see.”

“She also admitted she has smoked marijuana, but she did not enjoy it. Isn't that amazing? Something like 100 million Americans have smoked marijuana, but the only ones who don't seem to enjoy it are the ones running for office.”

“Well it's now being reported that in exchange for Hillary's support, if he is elected, Barack Obama will make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge. Has he thought this through? You know the Clintons: if she gets on the Supreme Court, she could demand a recount and declare herself the winner. It's happened before.”

DAVID LETTERMAN

“Let me ask you a question: is it just me, or does Gov. Sarah Palin look like a model for LensCrafters?”

And you've got to love this: Sarah Palin is an avid hunter. An avid hunter. A vice president who likes guns? Well, what could go wrong there? That's all you need, right?”

CONAN O'BRIEN

“Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she's a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun weddings.”

“John McCain was endorsed by the gay group known as the Log Cabin Republicans. That's true, yeah. They endorsed McCain not so much because he supports gay rights, but because he was actually born in a log cabin.”

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