Viewpoint

Laugh Attacks

JAY LENO

“The Republican convention is over, the Democratic convention over. Just one left. Next week, Ralph Nader's convention. It'll be at his apartment. He says you have to park on the street.”

“A lot of people now are criticizing Governor Palin for her lack of foreign policy experience. They say she won't be able to deal with other countries. But is that a big deal? I mean, hey, how many foreign countries even talk to us anymore? See what I'm saying?”

“The campaign is coming down to one very important issue: putting makeup on farm animals. That seems to be where we're at. Oh, this is so stupid. Did you hear about this? Yesterday, Barack Obama attacked John McCain's policies, implying it's more of the same by saying ... you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. To which Bill Clinton said, 'You know, I've tried that, and you're right.'”

“Well, it's a very strange political campaign. I mean, out on the campaign trail, John McCain and Sarah Palin are talking about how they stood up to the Republican Party. They fought the Republican establishment. And they battled Republicans. Their message: vote Republican.”

DAVID LETTERMAN

“And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.”

CONAN O'BRIEN

“There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. This is true. Yeah. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by ten points. The ‘CBS News' poll has the two tied. And the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week.”

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