Viewpoint

Laugh Attacks

DAVID LETTERMAN

“President Bush is trying to reassure Americans that things are going to get better soon. And I was thinking well sure, in three months he'll be out of office.'”

“Did you hear what happened at a rally yesterday? Sarah Palin mistook some of her supporters for hecklers. You know, confusion happens in all walks of life. For example, a few weeks ago, John McCain mistook her for a legitimate candidate.”

“I watched the debate, and, honestly, there was no question, no question who looked more presidential. Bob Schieffer.”

JAY LENO

“More charges of voter registration fraud with this group ACORN. Apparently, this group has been charged with putting phony names on voter registration cards, including Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse was registered to vote in Florida. Is that so bad? I mean, Goofy has been president for the last eight years.”

“Barack Obama continues to lead in the polls. Barack said, today, if it wasn't for Fox News, he might be up two or three more points in the polls. So apparently, five of the six news channel openly rooting for him isn't enough. You gotta get that last one.”

CONAN O'BRIEN

“Newsweek magazine is being criticized, because last week's cover featured a very unflattering picture of Sarah Palin. Yeah, Palin says it's the worst thing the press has done to her since the time they made her answer a question.”

JIMMY KIMMEL

“This is an interesting. Scholastic, the company [that] used to sell books when we were in school. They polled 250,000 American school kids and that they asked who they liked for president. Overwhelmingly, they picked Barack Obama over John McCain. And not only did McCain finish behind Obama, he also finished well behind Batman, the Wiggles and Dora the Explorer.”

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