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Laugh Attacks: Humorists’ comments on politics and public affairs

O’Brien
O’Brien Getty Images

SETH MEYERS

“In the last 24 hours, Donald Trump has refused to endorse Republican leaders up for re-election, accused John McCain of failing veterans, suggested Americans pull their 401(k)s out of the stock market, threw out a crying baby at a rally, fought with the father of a dead soldier, and suggested President Obama was responsible for the death of troops during George W. Bush’s time in office. Said voters, ‘Yeah, but I’m not sure I trust Hillary Clinton.’ 

“Top Republican fundraiser and Hewlett-Packard executive Meg Whitman released a statement saying that she will break with her party and support Hillary Clinton. She wanted to release the statement three days ago, but her printer kept jamming.”

JAMES CORDEN

“President Obama piled on this morning, saying in a press conference he feels Trump is unfit to be president. America’s first black president is begging you not to elect America’s first orange one.”

“Trump himself seems to be aware of the shifts in public opinion which is why it seems like he’s already building an excuse for a loss by saying the November election will probably be rigged. Former Democratic candidate Al Gore weighed in, saying, ‘Yeah, we wouldn’t want that to happen!’ 

“If Donald Trump was a teenager he definitely would be the kid who turns the Nintendo off the second he starts losing at Mario Kart.”

“Apple has announced that it’ll be removing the handgun emoji from its smartphones and replacing it with an emoji of a squirt gun. In case you weren’t paying attention, there are now more restrictions on gun emojis in the United States than on actual guns.”

JIMMY FALLON

“Hillary Clinton said that she’s going to be at all the presidential debates, despite Trump protesting the schedule. Hillary said that even if Trump doesn’t show, she’s changed her positions enough that she can just debate herself.”

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