O-Pinion

Trump’s in. Four other billionaires who should run for president

Donald Trump wants to be the next president of the United States.
Donald Trump wants to be the next president of the United States. AP

I know it’s a free country, but this is getting ridiculous. How many Republicans are going to announce for president before the madness ends?

Today, Donald Trump is joining the race, bringing to an even dozen the number of GOP hopefuls pursuing the White House. At least 16 are expected to join the festitivies eventually.

Is there not some super-secret council of GOP elders who can simply tell Donald Trump, “No, no! Go sit down somewhere and figure out how to comb your orange hair.”

But alas, there is no such group. So the comically egocentric billionaire, a rich and pouty-mouthed reality TV star, gets to continue nursing his delusional belief that he’s qualified to take charge of nuclear codes, terrorist threats and drone strikes.

All because he’s rich.

Well, if his bank account means we all must be burdened with his presidential ambitions, there’s plenty of other interesting billionaires who should join him.

Let’s see. How about:

▪ Steve Ballmer, Microsoft billionaire and owner of the Los Angeles Clippers basketball team. Have you seen the glorious overload of manic energy this guy puts out at courtside during games? He’s pumping his fists. Screaming at the top of his lungs. Flailing his arms in what has charitably been called “dancing.” Can’t you picture him pumping up a campaign rally crowd? Or even better – over-enthusiastically chest-bumping another candidate off the debate stage?

▪ Mark Zuckerberg. How many other candidates enter the race armed with a social media tool that lets them make “friends” with more than 1 billion people? And you totally shouldn’t be creeped out when you post a picture of your delicious Starbucks latte and a Mark! campaign staffer strolls up minutes later to offer some campaign literature to go with it.

▪ Rupert Murdoch. He might as well. He’s been trying to run the GOP for years via FOX News. This would be worth it just to see FOX anchors try to interview the man who signs their paychecks. “So...tell us...sir...just what it is...that...makes you...so...adorable?”

▪ Warren Buffet. Everybody’s always quoting the world’s top investor and hanging on his every word about the stock market and the economy. Think the octagenarian businessman is too old to connect to today’s electorate? You must have missed his first tweet back in 2013. It read simply: “Warren is in the house.” He could strut onstage flashing that “diamond” hand signal thingy Jay Z does by touching both thumbs and index fingers together. Don’t laugh. The “Oracle of Omaha” looked pretty natural with it when Jay Z gave him a tutorial.

But alas, only Trump is crazy enough to actually waste his money on a deal he’ll never close. When his campaign finally ends, let’s hope he’s got enough of a sense of humor to look into the camera, smile and say the words that surely by then we’ll all be dying to hear:

“I’m fired.”

Eric Frazier

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