Dinner for two, please. It’s just you and me.
We’re sitting across the table from each other during our first date. You picked me up at my apartment, opened the car door for me and looked into my eyes and smiled. You are doing just great. We are having so much fun! There is so much hope!
So don’t ruin it by overselling or trying to say too much. You’re awesome as you are. Avoid these seven stupid mistakes.
(1) Talking about how much money you make and/or how fast you’ve climbed the corporate ladder.
The day I wake up materialistic and money-driven, I will ask.
(2) Telling me you have no clue whether you want to stay in Charlotte. You’re probably moving soon.
Ah. Sorry. So this is a potential fling? How Spring Break 2008 of you.
(3) Talking about how wasted you were last weekend.
So fratty, brah. You’re exactly what I dreamed men would act like after college.
(4) Commenting on how I demolished my entree.
I’m well aware. And I relished every calorie. Don’t make me wonder if you’re complimenting or criticizing.
(5) Talking about other women.
Including, but not limited to:
– Your ex. Especially if you say “but she was crazy.” Because then I’m certain you are the crazy one (exit strategy initiated).
– The girl you just went out with last weekend. I don’t need to know you’re dating other people at this particular moment in time. But thanks.
– The girl you are theoretically friends with. But you’re SO PUMPED to stay with her during your sweet beach trip next month! And by “stay with” you mean…?
(6) How baller you were in high school.
You were salutatorian. You starred on the soccer team and were a tennis team captain. And you were student body president? Most excellent! So, I should be attracted to the not-quite-post-pubescent/adolescent version of you? Please, whisper more of this into my ear.
(7) Texting me this message after you drop me off at home: “I think your amazing.”
Stop. Just stop. We are reasonably educated beings. It’s “you’re.”
Katie Toussaint @katietoussaint