I have limited myself to three bumper stickers on my car, Elaine the Elantra: a spider in honor of the University of Richmond Spiders, a Fitness Connection symbol so I don’t get towed from my gym parking lot and a University of Richmond parking sticker from 2011 because I couldn’t peel it off properly and gave up.
I’m pretty passive aggressive behind the wheel. But based on a study from 2008, three bumper stickers might scream “aggressive driver.” The study, conducted by Colorado State University, indicated that drivers with at least one “territory marker” like a bumper sticker “in or on their car were 15 percent more likely to retaliate when they felt their territory had been threatened.”
I love trying to decipher people’s bumper stickers when I’m out driving. I always wonder what a person is trying to say to the world (or at least to the traffic clusterf***) about themselves.
Charlotte drivers, this is how your territory markers speak to me:
Sticker: Dairy Queen Blizzard
What it means: WANT NOW.
Sticker: Brake for Squatch.
What it means: The mythical Sasquatch is real and he is my friend.
Sticker: In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.
What it means: I am enlightened. Allow me to enlighten you.
Sticker: Nobody cares about your stick figure family.
What it means: Nobody cares about your stick figure family.
Sticker: Dog hair, don’t care.
What it means: I do not own a lint roller.
Sticker: I’m not stubborn, my way is just better.
What it means: I will fight you.
What it means: I just absolutely, in no way, now or ever, can be bothered to run.
Sticker: Donna the Buffalo.
What it means: I am an enigma.
(Editor’s note: Katie has received word from multiple Twitter followers that Donna the Buffalo is, in fact, a “feel-good, groove-oriented” musical group.)
Sticker: I brake for helicopters.
What it means: I expect a helicopter to nosedive any minute now.
Sticker: Peace, love, yoga.
What it means: Namaste.
Katie Toussaint @katietoussaint