The 6 worst foods to eat on a first date (but where to get them anyway)

Dating is hard. So is trying to look nice and 100 percent put-together while eating certain types of foods on first dates.

So, partially inspired by this story about ramen by Observer food writer Kathleen Purvis, here are the worst first date foods:

(1) Sushi

An eight-piece sushi roll seems delicate enough. It’s presented artfully on the plate, it doesn’t scream “gluttony.” But stuff a piece of one of those specialty rolls into your mouth and you suddenly realize it is, in fact, an enormous pillow of rice that requires 40 bites before you can swallow while you hold your napkin over your face in shame.

(2) Collard leaf wraps

Ah yes, the leafy, nutrient-rich alternative to bread. You look hip and sophisticated ordering one, until the moment you take that first bite, get strands of collards stuck in your teeth and spill the contents of the wrap all over your plate like the disaster that you really are.

(3) Ethiopian entrees

It’s hard to be sexy when you’re trying to scoop up a heap of spiced lentils with shreds of spongy Injera in hand. It’s harder yet to pristinely sweep it into your mouth without slopping it down your face.

But hey, maybe you’re ready to just go all in and feed your date with your hands, the way it’s meant to be done.

(4) Ramen

It’s not your fault ramen noodles were meant to be slurped out of the bowl. “To do it right,” Purvis wrote recently, “you need to get almost face-down in your bowl, ignoring friends and strangers and giving up your guilt about eating neatly in public.”

It’s not your fault that you might feel like a well-dressed pig at a trough, either.

(5) Wings

Number one, you have to gnaw meat off of bones like a barbarian. Number two, your hands and face are immediately stained with bright, spicy sauce as if you’re prepping for some sort of kinky fantasy fulfillment.

(6) Meatball cones

I just really cannot imagine this going well.

But fear not. Once you find that special someone who adores you no matter how much of a mess you are at dinner and in life, you shall get over yourself and freely enjoy all the worst-date-food goodness this city has to offer.

– Order the avocado-heaped Caterpillar Roll at Ru San’s and open wide.

– Pick up the Mock Tuna Salad Sandwich in a collard leaf wrap at Living Kitchen and let the cashew mayonnaise ooze out.

– Roll up strips of Injera at Red Sea and revel in the spices on your plate.

– Jab a pair of chopsticks into a bowl of ramen at Futo Buta, with a side of crispy Brussels sprouts.

– Go for the soy garlic wings (chicken or tofu) at Seoul Food Meat Co. and bite right in.

– Maybe even try out those meatball cones at Fidelli Kitchen.

You are loved, and you love food. All is well.

This story was originally published March 30, 2017 at 12:00 AM.