6 actions you need to take to have the right mindset this holiday season

This is part two of a two-part series to help relieve stress and create a better relationship with your extended family over the holidays. Part one, “3 tips for communicating with your in-laws to avoid fights over the holidays”, can be found here.

Though we would like the holiday season to always be full of merriment and blithe, the reality is that we often experience heightened levels of stress due to some family interactions. Unfortunately, there is no secret recipe hiding in your Nana’s cookbook to make this time of year run perfectly smooth. However, there are steps we can take to insure the peaceful times amongst family are greater than the stressful ones.

I was given the honor of candidly speaking with one of Charlotte’s remarkable family counselors, Debbie Breen, LPC with South Charlotte Family Counseling. Throughout our conversation, she was kind enough to develop and share six keys to experiencing a tranquil, more relaxed holiday season in regards to family life. **Bonus point – They work wonders when practiced in everyday life too.**

(1) “Be flexible, not rigid.”

There is no rulebook or set of guidelines on how to celebrate a holiday. Change can be daunting, but being open to new ideas only unlocks more doors. Breen explained how different values and meanings will be ever-evolving for each individual. We should be understanding; open to seeing how others enjoy spending this time of year.

(2) “Be non-judgemental, this is the breeding ground for a joyful heart.”

I truly smile at those words. I don’t know about you, but in my family, the more joy the better. This step involves a conscious decision to check our predetermined opinions at the door when dealing with loved ones. Agreement is not synonymous with being non-judgemental; instead we are giving the same respect that we wish be shown towards us.

(3) “Be accepting of differences by not taking things personally.”

When it comes time to celebrate, everyone has their own ideas and traditions. Don’t be afraid to roll with it. Different is not synonymous with bad.

New experiences lead to new adventures which can turn into the best memories you never knew you wanted to make. If your in-laws want you to try something different, it is best not to assume that they just don’t like your ideas, nor that they don’t respect you. It can instead mean that they want to share or experience something with you that is special to them.

(4) “Choose to set limits and communicate what you can and cannot do.”

“We all have limits,” Breen said. “However, we get into trouble when we assume everyone knows them. Share your limits along with all your possibilities.This gives others things to latch on to and work with. Also, ask them what their limits are as well.”

Fostering this understanding of each other will do nothing but build a more cohesive unit.

(5) “Choose to find common ground.”

Don’t be afraid to jump out of your comfort zone.

“Be the one this holiday to be curious, ask about others opinions, ideas and needs,” Breen said. “By doing this one simple thing, you have communicated you care and shown that you are interested in the other person.”

A little effort can mean a big reward. Instead of a (insert relation here) in-law, now you may have a friend. Finally!

(6) “Choose to remember why you get together.”

It may be the time of year that brings us all together, but we do so because we all need each other.

“No family is in agreement with everything,” Breen said.

There will always be different ideas and points of view. However, these diversities are part of what makes each family unit uniquely special.

Follow these steps and use open communication this holiday season, instead of worrying yourself into a tight ball of anxiety or building walls that will only end with a self-imposed sentence of isolation.

Don’t be afraid to pause for a second. Remember to freely share your thoughts, ideas, and feelings with your family while asking about theirs. There’s a good chance they are experiencing many of your same emotions. Keep in mind that personal growth is never found inside of your comfort zone.

Photo: Nicole Rivera

This story was originally published November 19, 2017 at 8:00 PM with the headline "6 actions you need to take to have the right mindset this holiday season."