28 things I wish I’d never done in my 28 years of existence
Happy 28th birthday weekend to me! I’ll be spending it in Orlando, sporting a bridesmaid dress at a big Catholic wedding. A day of dancing, wine-drinking and crying openly while one of my oldest friends gets married sounds like a free birthday party to me.
It also just sounds like a more fun way to experience my general freakout over getting older, with each successive birthday prompting me to demand of myself: Am I where I thought I’d be at this point? Am I who I thought I’d be, or even who I wanted to be?
Who knows.
What I do know are these 28 things I wish I’d never done in my 28 years of existence, in no particular order:
(1) I wish I’d never watched “The Ring.” So many sleepless nights as a teenager.
(2) I wish I’d never tried to skateboard up my driveway in kindergarten. I scraped up the whole side of my face like a zombie.
(3) I wish I’d never eaten that cheeseburger at Planet Hollywood as a kid. I barfed seven times, had to be pushed through Disney World in a wheelchair and I never ate a cheeseburger again.
(4) I wish I’d never mixed vodka with Crystal Lite powder. Oh, college.
(5) I wish I’d never tried to paint a blue accent wall in my white apartment. It was horrific.
(6) I wish I’d never paid for new struts on my car. OLDER Katie asks for second opinions.
(7) I wish I’d never taken a hit of red Gatorade near mile 10 of the Thunder Road Half Marathon. I was 25, I was feeling victorious, and I spewed as soon as I crossed the finish line. I’m sorry to all the people standing there.
(8) I wish I’d never worn fishnets to 7th-grade band class. Yeah, those were not coming back in style.
(9) I wish I’d never opened that bottle of sparkling water next to my first MacBook Air. RIP.
(10) I wish I’d never practiced parallel parking my senior year at University of Richmond. The fender on Elaine the Elantra will never look the same.
(11) I wish I’d never let my friend feel alone when she was going through her divorce. Note to self: Always offer to be there for someone, even if you don’t know how.
(12) I wish I’d never started hating my body freshman year of high school. That was one long, slippery slope.
(13) I wish I’d never stored my bike outside. I got it at the Re-Cyclery and now it just needs to be recycled.
(14) I wish I’d never secretly dated a man twice my age. Don’t ever secretly date anyone. It’s weird.
(15) I wish I’d never waited until age 19 to quit tennis. Life is too short to spend hours on something you’re not passionate about.
(16) I wish I’d never overlooked laxatives when packing for my 2017 trip to France. I never knew my body could hold so much fine cheese.
(17) I wish I’d never heard a friend politely ask me to take his virginity. (If you want to make a woman feel objectified, do that.)
(18) I wish I’d never made my mom cry. Teenage Katie could be a b***h.
(19) I wish I’d never practiced forearm balance in front of a mirror. Long story short: The mirror broke.
(20) I wish I’d never smoked an entire cigarette. I was trying on the brooding/contemplative writer aura during a summer internship in Charleston. I felt so sick I had to go take a nap. (Read: I wasn’t cool.)
(21) I wish I’d never sped through Lumberton, N.C. en route to beach week. In my dad’s car. (Still sorry, dad.)
(22) I wish I’d never deleted the content list for CharlotteObserver.com. Don’t ask what that did.
(23) I wish I’d never lived with my twin brother. We are such better friends when we have space apart. And it’s nice when he crashes at my place before Panthers tailgates, now. Sort of.
(24) I wish I’d never missed my first chance to meet Maisie. I made my boyfriend go meet our potential rescue pup alone this fall because I was so afraid I wouldn’t connect with her. BOY, WAS I WRONG.
(25) I wish I’d never waited so long to find a therapist I like. Or to believe I don’t have to work through every life change on my own.
(26) I wish I’d never broken up with my boyfriend, Rémy. I wasted so much time not knowing what I wanted in a relationship. (Spoiler: We live together now and he’s my wedding date on my birthday.)
(27) I wish I’d never let myself believe I wasn’t good enough.
(28) I wish I’d never lost so much time worrying about what my future would bring. My mom’s right: Things work out.
All you need is a little trust.
Photo: CharlotteFive Staff
This story was originally published December 14, 2017 at 11:00 PM with the headline "28 things I wish I’d never done in my 28 years of existence."