I got ghosted using The League dating app. Here’s why I recommend it anyway.

A few months ago, I re-entered the Charlotte dating scene at 28 years old, starting with stints on both Bumble and Tinder. While Bumble has been relatively successful and led me to some quality dudes, through Tinder, I only went on one date. He flashed me in the parking lot after dinner.

Needless to say, I choose to stay away from Tinder now. But that’s a story for another day.

The lack of real results from these apps wasn’t surprising. The few real relationships I’ve had since living in Charlotte all started organically with an in-life meeting — if you can believe that. The apps feel more like fun distractions than something I take too seriously.

Even still, after being flashed in a public place by someone who seemed to be a totally nice guy, I was drawn to the idea of a more elite dating app where men are vetted more thoroughly, and if they do cross a line, you can report them to a live person.

After hearing about The League — and reading about it in articles, such as this – it seemed to fit the bill for what I was looking for. When I first downloaded the app, there were over 2,500 people on the waiting list.

I took this to be a good sign— in these days of instant gratification, anyone willing to wait a while to get into a dating app has to be serious about it, right?

I was accepted Nov. 1, after about two weeks on the waitlist, which honestly was surprising. I was anticipating a much longer wait, if I was invited in at all.  

The layout is very similar to both Bumble and Tinder. You swipe right if you’re into someone, and you swipe left if you aren’t. The main difference between the apps are the number of matches you are presented with. If you don’t want to pay the $200 membership fee, you get only three matches a day.

Additionally, only three to five people are seeing your profile a day. With numbers like these, it results in matches being very few and far between. But the idea is that they are of better quality.

I’ve been on it for four weeks now, and I’ve only had three matches.

If you are willing to put in the money to this app, it can offer you more. You can buy tickets through the app at $5 a piece. For one ticket, you can get an extra three matches a day. For five tickets, you can purchase a profile boost, where your profile is shown to 50 people a day, rather than the average three to five. With these boosts, you can increase your chances at matching without becoming an official member.

I was able to try both of these features once so I could get the full experience of the app. I didn’t notice a huge difference, but it is also one of those things that takes time to notice the benefits for — so it’s hard to really tell.

The League intentionally sets you up with fewer people and fewer matches, which means more connection when you have a match. I had conversations with all three of my matches, where on other dating apps it’s not uncommon to match and go no further.

The problem (which happens on many apps) is that it hasn’t turned into more… yet.

My first two matches seemed like quality guys, but they didn’t seem to be any “better” than the men I’ve matched with through Bumble. However, I am generally not afraid that people aren’t who they say they are, which is a big piece of what The League is ensuring.

In my experience so far, it is not better-quality people (because who is anyone to judge that?) — but each person is doubly verified with Facebook and LinkedIn, so they know you are who you say you are. 

If you are worried about a safety or catfish aspect of dating, I really recommend The League from that standpoint.

One of my matches, a 38-year-old RN, gradually sizzled out. I don’t think we were a great fit.

The other was a single father, 34, who seemed kind and made me laugh with a joke about pizza. We chatted for about a week and then exchanged numbers. However, when I texted him via his request, he chose to not respond at all. He ghosted. 

So, despite The League claiming to be the elite of the elite, you can still be ghosted by a single father with a patchy goatee before you even meet. But that’s the dark side of what dating is now.

I’m not hating on the app scene, but you do have to develop a thick skin. Did it bother me when this happened? Of course. Did I question whether or not I was attractive, and if I was going to be single for the rest of my life? Sure, for about 20 minutes.

But then you move on.

What is great about The League is they give you an outlet for these crimes against decency. You can report anyone for ghosting or just flat-out being rude — and if they get enough of these complaints, they’ll be kicked off. Which is both terrifying and seriously amazing, depending on what side you are on. 

The app also has group chats and events that you can take part in with the rest of the leaguers. I don’t think these are sussed out quite enough in Charlotte, but they do have potential. Lovers of yoga can chat yoga, beer lovers can discuss their favorite beers, and so on. Another plus of these groups is if you find someone who catches your eye in these chats, you can add them as a friend and send them a message — so you don’t have to wait for a match with them.

I stepped out of my element and actively tried to participate in these group conversations to ensure I was getting the full picture of this app. I really didn’t seem to get much traction or conversation. Again, as this grows in Charlotte, it’s very possible this element will grow with it. But right now, it just feels pretty awkward. 

Will I keep using The League? Probably — but I’m not expecting much.

I don’t think it has the elite set of people that the app claims. Again, it seems to be the same people you would encounter on other apps for the most part; everyone is just more selective.

Nobody is going to be drunkenly swiping right on 100 people just to see who likes them back because A) you don’t even have that option and B) you get dinged if you match with people and never talk to them. It is working to encourage more communication, which I do appreciate. And while I haven’t had a ton of success with it just yet, that certainly doesn’t mean it won’t work magic for you.

If you are in the market for a new dating app, I do recommend getting on the waiting list — what can it hurt?

This story was originally published December 13, 2017 at 11:00 PM with the headline "I got ghosted using The League dating app. Here’s why I recommend it anyway.."