Why these couples gave love a second chance -- and how it turned out

From second chances, to unlikely friendships and self-awareness, sometimes what we perceive as the end is just the beginning. This is what I found when I talked to locals who were open to reconnecting with someone they once loved.

Here are four stories from area couples that each gave their relationships another chance. Some rekindled that lost love, while others found out they were better off apart, but everyone learned from the situation.

A daring proclamation

High school sweethearts Hayley Farris met Ian Whitler in the ninth grade. He was her first boyfriend and they dated for a year, before seeing other people … but not before Ian made a bold statement for a high school student.

“We were laying outside and he looked down at me and told me, ‘You’re going to be my wife,’” Farris said.

Throughout the years, Hayley and Ian kept in contact, but she never thought about reuniting until her sophomore year in college. It was then that he confessed that he still loved her and they became official in August of her junior year of college.

That was two years ago. Since then, Farris has graduated and she and Ian moved in together in October – a decade after he professed marriage that fateful high school day.

“We are hoping to get married in the next few years and settle down somewhere in Asheville, or out west if things work out the way we want,” Farris said.

She said they will start a family at some point, but right now it’s just them and a very cute pup, Willow. Sounds like wedding bells are in Hayley and Ian’s future—it’s a decade in the making.

Calling off the wedding

Speaking of wedding bells, it was five years ago that Timothy McCabe, a student-athlete, walked into Holly Joy McCabe’s fitness studio in Nashville. Ironically, she was having a bad day and took it out on him.

“It was so bad that he didn’t come back for a year,” she said.

Eventually, Timothy did come back to the gym and they became friends. After another year, Timothy revealed he had a crush on Holly. Before meeting her, he made a list of characteristics of his ideal woman, and he told Holly that she was everything on his list.

They began an exclusive relationship and, after a year, began planning what Holly called a “shotgun wedding,” continuing to say simply, “we fell in love”.  Unfortunately, during the planning of the wedding, things began to implode.

“We had a deep profound connection, but the superficial things were getting in the way,” Holly said.

They decided to call the wedding off and go their separate ways.

“We were apart for a year and it was painful,” she added.

The time apart allowed each of them to mature in their own way. Tim was able to become more emotionally mature and Holly learned a sense of self, which included not making the relationship her everything. Holly even went on a year of adventures that included touring Europe and skydiving.

In addition, similar to Timothy’s list, Holly had one too, but she decided to “edit it and get more specific” after the break-up. Eventually, she got into a new relationship, but Timothy contacted her and wanted to try again. She knew in her heart that he was the one and, after a couple of months, they decided to give their relationship another chance.

This time it worked. They got married on December 9.

And that list she revised? She found it recently and Timothy now checks all the boxes on the list.

“The time apart forced us both to change,” Holly said. “Now I feel so enlightened. It is great to be in this place.”

These relationships show that growth as an individual was a key factor in helping make their togetherness as a couple more successful. Sometimes though, romance turns out a little differently.

Better in the friend zone

Some significant others are better as platonic friends, which was the case with Betty Trahan Grand, who lives in Charlotte, while her ex-husband-turned-best-friend lives in Dallas. Both Louisiana natives, they met while working at the same hospital.

“He was pre-med and I was a nurse,” Grand said. “It was an instant connection.”

They dated for two years before getting married, but Grand admitted that being “young, naïve and kind of a nutcase” contributed to the demise of their marriage.

“He wanted the divorce more than I did,” she said. “He tried everything to get me to come around.”

While Grand takes full responsibility for her part in divorce, she also took full responsibility in trying to mend the relationship and foster a friendship. Both their families still lived in Louisiana, and Grand and her ex (who she would like to remain nameless) would separately visit them every Christmas. They never ran into each other.

One year during the holidays, Grand contacted him, saying, “we need to talk” and, eventually, they set up a time to get together to let bygones be bygones.

“It had been long enough,” she said. “Some people will go to their graves hating their exes, but at some point, they were madly in love.”

How did such an important conversation go?

“It was like two old friends talking,” Grand said. “Whatever issues we had back then was now water under the bridge.”

They now speak almost every day and even take trips together. Some of their favorite places they have visited include San Francisco and San Diego.

They just got back from Louisiana for the holidays. They haven’t traveled internationally yet, but have talked about vacationing in Italy together.

Grand’s story shows that it is possible to mend a relationship and create a friendship, but we all know there are those times that exes become nothing more than a lesson learned.

Letting love in … and then right back out

Tess Shoe called getting back with her ex “the worst decision ever,” but admits that she did learn from the experience. She exclusively dated a guy for about six or seven months.

“It got to the point that I was traveling up north to meet his family,” she said, but not long after that, he decided that he wanted to date someone else.

A few months later, he reached out to Shoe and told her that breaking up with her was the worst decision he ever made and that he wanted to be with her. Cautiously, she moved forward, but it ended terribly—with him cheating.

She broke up with him, gave him a few choice words, and hasn’t looked back since.  She said she has “smartened up” and will take what she learned from the experience into future relationships.

“I won’t be so naïve or make excuses, and stand my ground,” Shoe said.

In addition, she learned about her own self-worth, and how one of the best relationships you can have is the one with yourself.

After hearing these second-chance love stories, one thing I’m reminded of is how layered love can be. I think the poet Rumi makes a great point— “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

Photos:  Pablo Heimplatz, Haley Farris, Holly Joy McCabe

This story was originally published February 6, 2018 at 8:00 PM with the headline "Why these couples gave love a second chance -- and how it turned out."