If you want to stop mass shootings, start by addressing toxic masculinity
“We have to talk about mental illness.” Since I’m a therapist, hearing politicians say this should excite me, because it will help expand mental health treatment for all who need it. Right?
Wrong. As a therapist who was in high school when Columbine occurred, I’ve learned that “we have to talk about mental illness” is usually a distracting, reflexive response by politicians seeking to avoid conversations around gun reform. The same politicians who use this response often cut mental health funding and privatize care, leading our most vulnerable to not receive care.
Let’s not talk about mental illness. Let’s not talk about bipolar, schizophrenia, depression or anxiety. Let’s not scapegoat the wrong issues in explaining these shootings. Let’s recognize that people with conventional mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than assailants.
Let’s talk instead about the psychological concept of toxic masculinity. Let’s talk about our pushing boys into dominance, suppressing emotions, devaluing women and obsessive self-reliance, often interlinked with violence.
Statistically, there are more women with conventional mental illness than men. So why aren’t any of these mass shooters women?
A couple of weeks ago, CMS teacher Justin Parmenter wrote an article objecting to carrying a gun as a teacher and pushed for increased socio-emotional support in schools. He got a response from a father mocking his physique, challenging his manhood, dismissing Justin’s thoughts and calling him a “wuss.”What was ironic about this father’s response, however, was that this limited perspective of manhood and attempts at shaming Parmenter are symbolic of the toxic masculinity linked with these shootings.
Be clear, masculinity is not automatically problematic. Wanting to take care of one’s family, sports competitiveness and being devoted to work are some traditional traits that can be positive.
Yet toxic masculinity is often linked with substance abuse and domestic violence, both of which are more correlated with mass shootings than traditional mental illness. Both Parkland and Vegas shooters committed domestic violence. As a clinician, I am certainly scared when my clients have access to guns. But my greatest fear is usually how they may use them on themselves.
I imagine there are men reading this who are thinking that the traits I mentioned are what makes them successful. And that is the seduction of toxic masculinity. It can “work” in our society, until it doesn’t.
Beyond harming others, it is important to note that over 70 percent of all suicides are committed by white men, including nearly 80 percent of those by firearm. The thing about emotion suppression is that if you don’t tell on your disease, it will eventually tell on you. The push to mask pain, shame, fear and insecurity with limited responses like anger or intellectualization is lethally toxic.
Recently, Justin Parmenter reached out to the father and they had a positive exchange. Using conversation to confront the feelings above made space for a productive outcome between two men. We need to teach boys and men more of this, and we need to acknowledge how lethal toxic masculinity can be.
This story first ran at CharlotteObserver.com.
This story was originally published March 19, 2018 at 10:00 PM with the headline "If you want to stop mass shootings, start by addressing toxic masculinity."