A quick guide for enjoying (and reliving) Carowinds as an adult
In case you haven’t noticed lately, Carowinds has changed from a regional and familiar amusement park into a sprawling maze of twisted metal, endless attractions, and a constant stream of new rides and attractions springing up seemingly overnight. For many of us who grew up going down Thunder Road backwards or listening to Smash Mouth’s “All Star” blare out of the speakers by the Band-Aid infested wave pool, returning to the park can be a bit jarring.
In 2016 alone, there was the arrival of Carolina Harbor, Plants vs. Zombies Garden Warfare 3Z Arena, Cirque Imagine and more.
As summer creeps onto the calendar, however, there will inevitably be some point where a friend with kids, a friend without kids, your own kids, someone else’s kids, or anyone else in Charlotte asks you to come along on a trip back to Carowinds for the day. For those that accept, here’s a quick guide of how to enjoy Carowinds as an adult:
Enjoy the relics of the past
You’re going to want to ease your way into this and there’s no better way for that than by jumping on the Top Gun…er Afterburn… coaster! I literally remember considering ways I could break my own arm, or maybe just make myself sick, while waiting in line when this ride first opened. Peer pressure is a cruel mistress, however, and when I finally did get strapped in and read myself my last rites, I found that this was actually a fun ride! Your feet dangle! You can see the city! The lines aren’t AS BAD! That smug satisfaction when you first get off the ride will certainly help carry you through the rest of the day. For those of you who don’t want to do a loop-de-loop (chickkkkennn) or prefer to have your legs secured (brawwwwk), the Hurler is still around, as are the Vortex and Cyclone.
Leave your mark at the water park
In 2018, we as a people are sending cars into space, harvesting gardens in Antarctica, and making countless other breakthroughs in society every day. With all of these advancements in mind, why is it that water parks look almost no different today than they did 20 years ago? I can’t say for sure but I believe that the tower to climb up Blackbeard’s Revenge sways more mightily than the Leaning Tower of Pisa. If climbing up isn’t harrowing enough, going down may be even more traumatic. It’s one thing for a child to essentially just float down the slide at the speed of light. A grown man with a misplaced sense of long-past athleticism is another story entirely and if you manage to get to the bottom without turning onto your stomach, more power to you. Needless to say, you may just be best off at the Lazy River if you’re acutely aware of your mortality like me.
Face your fears with the big guns
Beginning around the mid 2000s, Carowinds really began to adopt a more aggressive plan for expansion and growth and it is no coincidence that in the years following, the park has added several of the biggest and most well-known coasters not only in the region but in the entire country. The big three are generally considered to be the Nighthawk, the Intimidator, and the Fury 325. The last two are the most recent major coasters added to the park and happen to be among the ten tallest rides in the entire country. On a related note, 10-year-old me would like to note that I have a terrible stomach bug and I simply cannot go on the Fury. I’m sorry, doctors’ orders, you don’t know how much I wish I could have ridden it, ouch now my arm hurts.
Get tickets to the real adult amusement park
Truth be told, the rides really are a fun experience no matter how old you are, the water parks are refreshing no matter how allergic to the urine of other people you may be, and the food is overpriced, but how much can you really complain about a bucket of popcorn or some nachos? With all of that being said, the thing I found most appealing about returning to Carowinds as a man-child are the events.
This year, I noticed that Carowinds will be hosting the Great Carolina Fest. For two weeks, the amusement park will become more than just a place for fast rides or to meet overly jaded Disney mascots. Local beer, Carolina-made barbecue, and a celebration of the region that Carowinds famously merges will make Carowinds a destination for everyone and perhaps, at the same time, show how it will continue to appeal to people of all interests and ages as THE place to be, regardless if you’re a 10-year-old with a doctor’s note or a 29-year-old with a chiropractor’s note instead.
Featured photo: Andrew Stilwell
This story was originally published May 23, 2018 at 10:17 PM with the headline "A quick guide for enjoying (and reliving) Carowinds as an adult."