Raising kids who are allies to the LGBT community
Like most kids, I would assume, my kids don’t really think too much about gay couples. They are nine and six and seem not to think that being gay is good or bad — just that it’s a way of being. There is no stigma tied to it, no fear, no judgment, just an innate acceptance that there’s not just one way to be.
And yet as we look around in our current society, culture and political climate, being gay (obviously) has some stigmas. How do we raise our children to keep that child-like innocence of not seeing unnecessary differences, to help them stay accepting of all people? Here’s my approach:
Talk about it
What I’m hearing the most about is parents trying to skirt around the issue, thinking it’s too advanced or mature for kids. Well, I’m here to tell you it’s not. When kids ask questions, answer them.
When I conducted a Facebook poll on the topic, one friend said, “Many times parents are quick to ‘hush’ their children when they ask a question or point out a difference that they notice about someone. I don’t consider a child’s curiosity offensive and if the time and place are appropriate I would probably love to answer any questions you or your child may have. Fear is the main motivator of hate, unfortunately most of that is just a fear of the unknown.”
When my husband and I separated four years ago, one of the ways I explained this to my kids was that families take all forms: single mom, single dad, two moms, two dads, grandparents, mom/dad, etc. Having conversations that there is no right way to have a family helped my kids see early on that there are tons of ways to have a family, gay just being one of them.
Oh, and for the love of god stop giving everything a title. Spiders don’t have to be a “he” and likewise ladybugs not a “she”. Teddy bears don’t have to be “he” while a unicorn is “she”. Whether we mean to or not, these types of distinctions show we are constantly putting things into two distinct categories — male and female — when a good step to take is putting us all together in the “human” category.
Don’t know how to start the conversation? Gay-Straight Allies gives these pointers and so does this Slate article.
Normalize
Part of what makes kids grow up into adults who are afraid of differences is that these differences have not been normalized. When we play the board came Life, my partner, Randy, began choosing to marry someone of the same gender when we land on the obligatory marriage square (which is another topic all together) and always asks the kids when it’s their turn who they want to marry instead of assuming they’d choose the opposite gender.
My 9-year-old reads and re-reads the series Popularity Papers where one of the main characters, Julie, has gay dads. Her first time through the series, my daughter was so excited to see this family system represented in books she was interested in. The best part? The set-up isn’t forced — it’s just folded into their lives, like it’s normal. Because it is.
Being intentional makes a big difference. Read books about other family structures. Play games that don’t have to be gender and sexuality normative. Talk about the similarities, not the differences, and use these seven ways to raise an ally. Queerly Elementary gives this insight on introducing these concepts to younger children.
Get involved
While our words and intentionality are important, what will speak volumes to our children and the communities we are trying to support is our actions. Look for ways to get involved.
Volunteer at this year’s Charlotte Pride Festival in August. Monday, Aug. 7, begins Time Out Youth’s new volunteer orientation. Sign up for one of their many volunteer opportunities to help youth in our city’s LGBT community.
Photo Credit: Charlotte Observer file
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This story was originally published July 2, 2017 at 9:00 PM with the headline "Raising kids who are allies to the LGBT community."