Why 100 dinner parties could pop up in Charlotte next month -- and how to join

Throughout September, as many as 100 dinner parties could happen in Charlotte. They may be casual, with friends gathering potluck style and bringing bottles of wine and beer. They may be fancy, with a seated dinner in dining rooms or nice restaurants.

It’s really up to every person who signs up to be a host of one of the inaugural HUGS Dinner With Friends events. All they have to do is register, send out invitations and share an envelope (or web link) for donations, big or small, to H.U.G.S.

H.U.G.S., or Healing and Understanding of Grief from Suicide, is a registered 501c3 nonprofit established by Alice McGinley, a trained counselor in Charlotte, to provide community outreach services to those who have lost loved ones to suicide. McGinley lost her 16-year-old son to suicide in 2001.

She told the Observer that suicide survivors often struggle with a lack of closure.

“A lot of people who have lost someone to suicide need to know why,” she said. “Almost every survivor feels guilt at some level, and it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that the responsibility for the death lies with the person who took their life.”

To bring the spotlight to September’s status as Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, McGinley and her event team have a goal to get people to throw 100 dinner parties that month.

Unlike the private monthly Dinner Party in Charlotte that gathers a small group of young people who have experienced loss, the HUGS dinner parties are open to anyone, whether they have been touched by loss or not.

The main point is to gather friends for a meal and to raise some funds for HUGS’ services, which include a bi-monthly peer support group, home visits and suicide prevention presentations to schools and community groups.

The event itself is backed by a team of “survivors of suicide loss.”

One event team member, Lynn Dreyer-Devens, was referred to HUGS after her sister’s suicide, which stemmed from an eating disorder.

“I was with her when she took her life, so it was a very traumatic experience,” Dreyer-Devens said. “I got to the point where I could hardly leave the house. … I didn’t know how to move forward.”

McGinley visited Dreyer-Devens at home multiple times when she wasn’t ready to participate in group sessions, and referred her to a professional counselor as well.

“I had had this nagging calling for a couple years to give back,” Dreyer-Devens said. So she jumped on board to bring Dinner with Friends to Charlotte this year as an easy way of fundraising for the organization that supported her.

As someone who previously organized the annual Myers Park art gallery crawl Sip & Savour to raise funds for those in need of treatment for eating disorders, Dreyer-Devens liked the idea of setting a high bar. For the inaugural HUGS Dinner With Friends, that means 100 dinner parties.

“I believe in shooting big,” she said.

How to join the dinner partying

– Pick any Saturday in the month of September to host a potluck, a cookout, a dinner at a restaurant — you choose.

– Register by Sept. 15. Two weeks before your gathering, you will get a host packet with survivor pins, awareness tips and donation envelopes.

– Get friends to donate, either online or via cash or check. Consider making a donation of what you might spend when you go out for a nice meal.

“Its just an opportunity for you to gather with friends,” Dreyer-Devens said.

And you don’t even have to be in Charlotte to participate. Some of her friends across the country are throwing parties.

“It doesn’t matter where you are,” she said.

Besides, she added, “Who doesn’t like to throw a dinner party?”

Photo: Katie Toussaint

This story was originally published August 14, 2017 at 12:00 AM.