How to raise compassionate children by being aware
Let’s be honest for a minute: raising children is hard. Raising children who are compassionate and understanding of others is even harder.
Today’s world of communication through technology and instant-access-everything has opened doors that as a parent I never dreamt possible. Children, tweens and teens are now live-streaming instances of bullying as they occur. Nothing is safe from the interwebs of Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat or any other platform.
Knowing that your next move could make you the subject of bullying for months to come is extremely stressful for normal functioning young people. Now, imagine for a second you have a disorder that makes you react to circumstances differently than everyone else. Everyday instances that are already daunting may now seem terrifying.
I had the honor of speaking with two moms in the Queen City area whose children are non-typical. I wanted to know how parents of typical children can teach their kids to support and encourage their friends or classmates who face these challenges.
Mom Honor Bumgardner spoke to me about her five-year-old son who is nonverbal and deals with a sensory processing disorder. Looking at this golden haired child with his radiant smile and love of all things “Cars,” you would never know he is different; that is until you begin to interact with him. Without being able to verbally communicate his thoughts, feelings, and emotions, her son has to find other ways to express himself. This leads to untold frustrations that can turn into meltdowns.
Another mom (who wished to remain anonymous) has a younger child and a teenager; both of whom suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as well as different sensory disorders. Day-to-day life for these kids consists of trying to avoid things that my trigger their PTSD. A trigger can happen at any time and though they try to stay away from these things, sometimes they are as unavoidable as a loud noise or an unexpected texture in their food. At the same time, having a desired stimulant such as a fidget spinner can be calming. Coming in contact with an unexpected trigger can lead to regression of progress made.
These women are bad-ass moms. They and their partners are strong parents who are doing their best to help their children not just navigate this world, but thrive in it. We all know how hard parenting under normal circumstances is. These parents need our support, not judgment.
I asked each of them, how can other parents and children help. Though their children deal with different issues, their answers were surprisingly similar.
Don’t stare
If your child sees their classmate having a meltdown, teach them not to stare. This can make an already difficult situation much worse for the person at the center of it.
Stay calm
Encourage your child to calmly stay with their friend. Even though it can be an uncomfortable situation they shouldn’t shy away and they certainly do not need to ridicule the person. Instead, teach them to calmly be present and offer their support.
Watch your words
Let your child know that if they are aware of another person dealing with a disorder or disability, it is never OK to throw it in their face regardless of the situation.
Bumgardner mentioned that other adults had made comments to her implying that her son’s behaviors just needed to be “whooped out of him.” Would anyone say that to the parent of a child who with a noticeable physical disability? Absolutely not. These unseen disorders are just as real.
Model love and respect
Love and acceptance of others are learned behaviors. As adults, it is necessary for us to model these for our children. It is important to let our kids know that other people can look, act, speak, not speak, or behave differently than they do. Despite any differences, they still deserve the same kindness and respect as any other child.
Be inclusive
Encourage not just acceptance of others but inclusiveness in day-to-day activities such as recess, lunch, and class projects. Remember, love is a language spoken by all.
Photograph Credit: Hannah Moore
This story was written for CharlotteFive’s latest channel for parents in the QC, called QC Playground. Sign up for the weekly QC Playground newsletter here.
This story was originally published August 20, 2017 at 9:00 PM with the headline "How to raise compassionate children by being aware."