How to make it as a couple going from DINK to one income and a kid

A month before my maternity leave was over, I scheduled a tour of the daycare I was considering for my daughter Conley to attend. I wanted Mary, my visiting mother-in-law, to be able to check out her granddaughter’s new digs.

Conley’s daycare was on the same floor as my office on Trade Street. I wanted to show my mother-in-law what a supremely perfect set-up it was going to be.

During the tour the daycare director introduced us to the woman who would be Conley’s “primary care giver,” or her “PCG” as they called them. Conley’s PCG was a warm, jolly woman whom clearly adored babies.

Right after that introduction, the director uttered the sentence that would change the trajectory of my life: “You’ve spent the last couple of months bonding with your daughter and now she’ll spend her days bonding with her PCG.”

I went straight Whitney “Hell to the Naw” Houston.

Right then I decided that I was quitting my job because my baby could not attend a daycare that was run by a woman who was clearly concussed if she thought for a hot second that my baby was going to bond with an acronym.

If she wanted to talk in acronyms, I had some for her; how ‘bout WTF or GTFO?

With one sentence spoken by a complete stranger, I no longer cared about a job that I had worked so hard to achieve. It was simply not a priority anymore.

Too bad that the real life aspects of going from a DINK (“dual income no kids”) household to a “one income plus another tiny human who needs A LOT of stuff household” wasn’t that simple.

My husband was supportive of my decision to stay home, but he did have one concern: how were we going to slash our income almost in half and still mange details such as food and shelter? After figuring out all of our expenditures we decided that if we stuck to a strict budget and were willing to make some sacrifices, we could do it.

We did it, but it was stressful at first. There were times when my husband and I were resentful of not being able to do things like have dinner and drinks with our friends, go to concerts and/or take trips. And, we damn sure questioned our sanity. Did I mention that this was all happening as the recession was getting into full swing?

After the first year, we saw that we could definitely survive. We even saved money, but we wanted to learn how we could also start not living in fear that an extra pack of mints was going to send us into financial ruin.

For that, we turned to Charlotte financial advisor Mel Miller. I recently asked Miller what people could do to prepare for a major financial change. Her tips:

(1) Know your budget

This does not mean have a ballpark idea of what you think you spend per month. Write EVERYTHING down.

(2) Ask these questions

What are you willing to give up? Are you willing to downsize? Drive a less desirable car?

(3) Check your ego

“Charlotte is a city filled with status symbols that you may not be able to afford due to your new budget,” Miller said. “Make sure that you’re equipped to handle that.”

(4) Use credit cards wisely.

If you know that a financial change is coming, try to have all credit cards paid off. After that, use them, but use them wisely. Charge only what you can pay off every month and use cards with reward programs.

(5) Keep the housing ratio in mind

Remember that your mortgage should only be 25-28 percent of your income before taxes. If it is 25-28 percent of your dual income, you should calculate what it will be when your income decreases. If it’s more you may have to consider downsizing or moving to a different neighborhood.  

We knew that when we were DINKS we spent a lot of money eating out and boozing up (I almost threw up when Miller showed us how much money we had spent on restaurants and booze during our DINK days). We slashed that by a huge margin. And, although I loathe cooking and meal planning it is something I’m now diligent about.

Also, we sold our beloved 1989 Jeep Wrangler (a third car) so that I could pay my car off in full and eliminate our car payments. Through the years, I’ve been fortunate to find part-time and freelance writing work and that has helped us save and take vacations.  

We have been DINK-less for eight years now. Quitting my job to stay home with my daughter is the very best thing that I have ever done. It has come with sacrifices, but for us, it has been so worth it.

Photos: Sosha Lewis

This story was originally published August 29, 2017 at 10:00 PM with the headline "How to make it as a couple going from DINK to one income and a kid."