Helping children through a difficult time: Advice from a Charlotte professional

Too often, adults feel that they have the ability to completely shield their children from the negative effects of stressful life situations. Whether a beloved relative dies, their parents are going through a divorce, or big sister gets a cancer diagnosis, young children are very tuned-in to what is happening in their environment.

But as parents, we can take steps to help our children navigate these difficult life events. Professional input is valuable, and Amanda McGough, PhD, a Licensed Psychologist at Southeast Psych, was able to answer some questions and give actionable advice for families.

Communication

As with most difficult situations in the adult world, communication is key.

McGough said, “It’s important that parents have open, age-appropriate communication with their child about what is happening. When we don’t have information, the human mind naturally fills in those gaps and creates a story about what is happening. With kids this story is likely to involve feeling they are in some way responsible for the stressor when that is not the case. Parents should directly and honestly talk about the stressor that has occurred, share age-appropriate information, make sure the child knows that they are not at fault, invite questions and allow the child to talk about how they are feeling and then validate those feelings.”

McGough recommended keeping the dialogue open by telling your child they can talk about their feelings at any time. Most difficult situations will need to be processed through more than just one conversation.

Coping skills

McGough said, “Parents should help their kids identify healthy coping skills they can use to manage feelings of distress and also model using their own healthy coping skills. Art, journaling, exercise and mindfulness, for example, can be helpful coping tools.”

Using some examples of common situations, McGough recommended trying these activities:

• Death – Identify a way to memorialize or remember the lost loved one. This can help them feel a continued connection to their loved one.
• Child diagnosed with a serious medical condition – Be mindful of the things they can still do and let them engage in these activities.
• Divorce – Emphasize the child is not the not the cause of the divorce. Keep peace with your ex, validate your child’s feelings, and help your child create comfort in each home.
• Moving – Allow the child to have input or control over something, such as picking the paint color for their new room. Honor their grief by creating time for saying good-bye to friends and to places and allowing them to have keepsakes from this time in their lives.  

Emotional health

To help bolster your child’s confidence in their ability to weather a difficult time, you can point out past significant changes your child has successfully coped with. This is also the time to be kinder and gentler with your child, yourself, and others.

McGough said, “This requires not only teaching and modeling healthy coping skills but an extra dose of patience and understanding in parenting. Kids of all ages may act out more and test limits or become withdrawn when going through a stressor. Younger kids may regress in their behavior. These changes are usually temporary and are a part of the child trying to cope and make sense of what is happening. If these behavioral changes or significant distress persist, seek professional support from a licensed mental health professional.”

Preparation

To help prepare your child for more difficult times, it’s important for parents to model healthy coping skills and to look for opportunities to help their child learn to be resilient in the face of less traumatic disappointments. McGough shared that when a family has a culture that acknowledges emotions, encourages an optimistic outlook, and is willing to switch things up occasionally to practice handling change, they will be more prepared to handle the bigger struggles that inevitably come.

And for families that are looking for professional help, Southeast Psych is available to help. For more Information about Southeast Pysch’s services, go to www.southeastpsych.com, or call 704-970-4791.

Photo Credit: Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

This story was written for CharlotteFive’s latest channel for parents in the QC, called QC Playground. Sign up for the weekly QC Playground newsletter here.

This story was originally published September 21, 2017 at 9:00 PM with the headline "Helping children through a difficult time: Advice from a Charlotte professional."