Why I’ve stopped trying to be well-rounded in adulthood

When I was growing up in Charlotte, life was about being well-rounded. Where I went to school, everyone tried to do it all — compete in sports, star in the arts, achieve academic excellence, form a solid social circle, join clubs, check off all the little boxes on some invisible list that meant we were going to be “the best,” and that we were going to “the best” colleges.

When I was growing up in Charlotte, I remember trying to do it all. I played the piano, I played the flute, I competed in tennis tournaments extracurricularly and I competed on the school team, I clung to a solid social circle, I wrote poetry, I over-studied for every subject.

I also remember being sad. When you’re caught up trying to be everything and do everything, you forget that there’s no reasonable way to be good at it all.

And sure, all of that got me into a good college. It taught me how to work hard. But a decade later, it’s hit me: I’m not well-rounded anymore. Not in that original sense.

I rarely touch a flute or a piano. I never touch a tennis racquet. I simply love to write and practice yoga and spend time with the people in my life.

And at this time in my life, I would so much rather be well-rounded in experiences than well-rounded in skills.

I want to be well-rounded in the arts by absorbing all of the creative happenings in this city. I want to go tour all of the murals at Camp North End, I want to see RENT with Blumenthal Performing Arts this month, I want to see how the Better Block Belmont project transforms Belmont Avenue this weekend. And my inner band geek is chomping at the bit to see the Charlotte Symphony play “Beethoven Symphony No. 9” tonight.

I want to be well-rounded in beautiful food experiences. Nothing brings people together quite the same way. I’ve just tried the new SouthBound (don’t overlook the salsa bar in the back), I’ve had a wine date at the new Rhino Market (my favorite place for cheap wine and expensive chocolate), I’ve finally indulged in the daily Buy One Get One deal at Akahana, and I’ve fallen in love with the wine and Brussels sprouts at Bistro la Bon.

Every place I go is just an excuse to be with people I love.

I want to be well-rounded in any random experience I can think of. Run the Charlotte Half Marathon a second time (possibly), play in the leaves this fall at Latta Park (definitely), try the rock-climbing wall at U.S. National Whitewater Center, go to another silent disco at Rooftop 210 (hilarious, I promise), taste a pumpkin ale at NoDa Brewing Company (I’m coming for you, Gordgeous), venture to my first Panthers tailgate with friends this weekend (and then there are still the 11 best places to eat and drink before a Carolina Panthers game…).

September means it’s time for my annual pumpkin beer. #gordgeous @nodabrewing

A post shared by Katie Toussaint (@katietoussaint) on Sep 14, 2016 at 3:55pm PDT

I want to be well-rounded in travels. I’ve been to Scotland and Spain, and I just got back from France. Now I’m itching to sip a glass of wine in Napa Valley, to feel the rain on my skin in Seattle, to dip my toes into the ocean along Maine’s shores.

Charlotte is still my anchor no matter where I go.

Charlotte is where I tried so hard to become well-rounded, and where I’m learning to stop trying and just start being.

This is where I remind myself: Adulthood is here, you’ve arrived. You are who you’re going to be. Pick what you want to focus your energy on and be good at that. Enjoy that. It leaves you so much space to enjoy the rest.

Photos: Rémy Thurston, Katie Toussaint

This story was originally published September 21, 2017 at 10:00 PM with the headline "Why I’ve stopped trying to be well-rounded in adulthood."