Ode to parents (because we’re people, too)
With growing frequency, I seem to be coming across the outside idea that once you’re a parent you’re just that and nothing more; your life goes from being that of an individual to a member of a mind-numbing social caste of dirty diapers and carpool lines and I’m here to tell you, honey, that that just ain’t so.
I became a parent ten years ago and, as a seasoned veteran, I’ve come a long way baby. And the best advice I ever gave myself even in my early years (because yes, I do know what the hell I’m doing from time to time) was that I was here first and my child second, not the other way around.
This whole martyrdom-based parental society where self-sacrifice is praised, the culture of doing-too-much celebrated, implies ever-so-subtly that we should put Junior first, forget ourselves, make the kids happy.
The wisest step I took on the Parent Path was dropping that inclination and to keep walking my own path, guiding my children along mine instead of chasing them down theirs.
Even as I write this, hesitantly re-reading paragraph by paragraph, I wonder if I should edit out some of these brazen deliberations so as not to be judged by other parents or—worse— by people who don’t have kids, people who seem to know so well what they won’t be doing when they have kids some arbitrary day in the future but no. I need to be authentic and– to tap into the buzziest phrase of 2017– speak my truth.
Parenting is not this isolated island forgotten by the civilized mainland. Parents are not an indigenous people group the high and mighty of another country walk all over and drive out to make their new home more inhabitable by potential pioneers.
No, we are raising the next generation who will one day make their mark on this world and that needs to be honored, acknowledged and celebrated.
So if my path involves me taking my baby to a meeting, thus channeling my inner Larissa Waters or Licia Ronzulli, leave me be. I have goals, I have dreams and my breastfeeding baby means no harm in event planning or discussing partnerships.
If my seven and ten-year-olds show up and aren’t silent behind an iPad screen, my bad. I’m showing them how to interact with other adults and learn to problem solve in the real world outside of Minecraft and the YouTube comments section.
I was here first, ladies and gentlemen, and I owe it to my children and the rest of the world to keep doing what I’m doing while simultaneously meeting the needs of my growing family.
Far too often I’ve been embarrassed, apologetic even, for taking my kids places, or really for even having kids because my god I’m sorry if I offended some adult somewhere who should have control of their own emotions and expectations by this point. #sorrynotsorry
So make this easier for us, please, quick-to-judge parents, non-parents, business owners and colleagues. While we are walking our paths with our loud obnoxious children alongside us, do us a favor and get out of the way. Don’t hold us up with your stares, your judgement, your cleared throats.
We have sh*t to do and people to raise and as you look around at your world, your city, and you see all the good that the next generation does believe me—one day you’ll thank us for each determined step and for never taking the time to look over our shoulders wondering how we may come across.
We have people to raise and dreams to fulfill. We are being human.
Photo Credit: Liz Logan
This story was written for CharlotteFive’s latest channel for parents in the QC, called QC Playground. Sign up for the weekly QC Playground newsletter here.
This story was originally published October 18, 2017 at 9:00 PM with the headline "Ode to parents (because we’re people, too)."