9 questions to ask yourself before you move in with your significant other

Here’s the scenario: You’re not married. You’re not engaged. But you’re considering moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You should probably ask yourself some questions before you say “yay” or “nay.”

That’s where I am right now. And where a few of my friends have been before me. After living with roommates for the entirety of my (short) adult life, I’ve been flying solo in a townhouse since July. And it. Has been. Magnificent. I vacuum when I want. I make a mess in the kitchen when I want. I drink red wine while lolling around in sweatpants when I want.

But I also want to move forward in my relationship, and for me that means moving in together for the first time. These nine questions have run through my head, and begged for some consideration:

(1) When should this happen?

For me, preferably this summer, when leases are running out and I will have soaked up a full year of living-solo bliss. If you’re stuck on some journey of self-exploration you need time alone for, consider holding off on the move.

(2) Do you want to rent or buy?

If you like the safety net of looking at this move as a litmus test for the length of your relationship, renting may be ideal. If you’re about to drop to one knee or be proposed to, perhaps buy so you can build that nest egg.

(3) How much space do you need?

It’s good to know if you are prone to needing your introversion-inspired solitude. Do you work from home and need at least two bedrooms so you have space for a small desk? (Nods vigorously.) How much of your odds and ends are you willing to get rid of so you fit in your future space? (The candle-wax-stained glass coffee tables you dug up on Craigslist can go.) Two bedrooms? Three? Know your breathing-room needs.

(4) What arrangement of space do you need?

As in: Is the kitchen the gravitational center of your relationship after work? Track down a spacious kitchen. Or do you continually entertain friends? Opt for a big living space and/or dining area. Can one of you not survive without a flat floor area to throw down a yoga mat or exercise equipment? Make sure you search for hardwood options.

(5) What part of town do you want to live in?

Does one of you commute to work by interstate? Consider living near a roadway with easy access. Does one of you walk or bike to work uptown? Ponder distances and routes. Do you crave ample dining choices? Explore options for your best neighborhood bubble.

(6) Renting? What’s your rent cap?

Prices are soaring for new studio apartments now, and back in September, rent rates in Charlotte hit a new high at $1,052 a month. Are luxury amenities a must, or is saving more important to you?

(7) What’s your expectation of splitting finances?

Are you both prepared to split the rent? Are you planning to split the cost of groceries each month? Utilities? Dinners out? Discuss.

(8) Are there habits or routines you and your person need to know about now?

Do you do a ton of laundry and shower oddly frequently due to fitness schedules? Does he have some intense preferences about kitchen cleanliness and alignment? (Cough.) Get ready to create space for that.

(9) Why do you want to do this in the first place?

Do you feel like you’re fulfilling some expectation? Or do you genuinely want to take on this life experience and see where it takes you?

Do the work, answer the questions (and tell me what I’ve missed in the comments below). Then settle into your decision. If my hunch is correct, you, and we, have a lot left to learn about each other.

Photo: AP/Charlotte Observer

This story was originally published February 15, 2017 at 1:00 AM.