Playground etiquette: What can go wrong and when to intervene

As the weather warms up, the playground gets more crowded, which means more chances for little ones to socialize — and more chances for kid-on-kid conflict. What should we do if our child encounters a fellow slide-dweller who isn’t as well-versed in playground manners (or what should we do if OUR child is the little trouble-maker)? We spoke to longtime pediatrician Dr. Rhonda Patt as well as Kate Dailey, who’s in the process of becoming a certificated peaceful parenting coach, to find out when and how we should intervene.

Dailey says proper playground etiquette means setting your kids up for success before you even leave the house, suggesting you skip the playground altogether if your kids are overly tired, hungry or not feeling well. She advises planning your trip so it’s not bumping too close to nap time or meal time.

Dr. Patt says it’s important to keep your expectations realistic. For example, sharing and taking turns are developmental traits that kids often don’t master until age 3 and beyond.

Here are a few common park scenarios your child might face, and possible interventions:

Kids fighting over a toy

If your child is the one holding on to another kid’s ball for dear life, Dailey suggests getting down on the kids’ level and giving your child the opportunity to do the right thing. You can try to make it fun (“Would you like to roll the ball back to him?”), but be prepared for the possibility of a meltdown. When that happens, let your child know it’s OK to get upset, and remain empathetic but firm about giving back the toy.

Dr. Patt says giving simple, age-appropriate instructions is key to diffusing tense playground situations — and it’s imperative that you stay relatively close to your child and observe his or her play.

If, on the other hand, it’s your child’s toy that has been snatched, and you’re OK with sharing it, tell the other child she can play with it for a little while, but it needs to come back to its rightful owner soon. Even better: get both kids to play with the toy together.

“If it’s going to cause contention, there’s no point in bringing it,” Patt says.

Leaving personal toys at home will help you avoid the problem altogether.

Not taking turns on the equipment

Patt says that often in playground situations, it’s best for parents not to intervene if everything seems to be going well. For example, kids might not even notice somebody skipped the line to go down the slide. But if the group starts to get agitated or if someone’s at risk of harm, you’ll need to step in.

“Kids coming down the slide while others are climbing up can be a dangerous situation,” she said.

If your child makes it to the top of the slide and freezes, Dailey suggests letting the other kids know you’re working on it, and using soothing tones to convince your child to come down.

“If they have a meltdown, support them through it,” Dailey said.

Patt also says sometimes you have to be proactive for your child. If another kid has been on the swing for an inordinate amount of time and your child hasn’t had a turn yet, you can gently let him or her know your child is in line, and ask if you can have a turn soon.

Kids hitting/pushing/throwing sand

Our experts agree that physical contact always calls for parental intervention.

“If you recognize there’s a child that’s aggressive to other children or to your own child, the first step is to look around to see if you can tell who the adult is that’s with the child. If it isn’t clear, then ask the child who’s here with him/her,” Patt says. “Once you can identify (the parent), point out the behavior and say you’re concerned.”

If the parent isn’t receptive or the other child’s behavior doesn’t change, it’s time to move your child to a different area of the playground.

If your child is the aggressor, Dailey suggests again getting on his or her level and explaining the problem in simple terms (“That hurt her” or “She’s crying because she has sand in her eyes”) and then model a genuine apology by apologizing to the other child.

“At these young ages, forcing an apology doesn’t mean much,” Daily says. “You could say ‘say sorry,’ and lots of kids will do it … but it’s more meaningful for a parent to show how it’s done.”

Photo:Robert Lahser/Charlotte Observer

 This story was written for CharlotteFive’s latest channel for parents in the QC, called QC Playground. Sign up for the weekly QC Playground newsletter here.

This story was originally published March 1, 2017 at 8:00 PM with the headline "Playground etiquette: What can go wrong and when to intervene."