How to put parenting into perspective

Parenting is hard. I say it a lot. I am slow myself to admit this with each child and in each situation. And the admission is freeing.

We log on to social media and are flooded with the edited photos of moms and lives that seem to have it all together and we wonder why we just don’t. It’s paralyzing. Until we realize we don’t have to.

I have an 8-week-old and finally, my third time walking through this stage, I’m not stressed. I get asked all the time, as do most moms with new babes, if she’s a “good baby,” if she’s sleeping at night, if she nurses okay. I always answer with a positive — that she’s great, that it couldn’t be better. And really, it couldn’t.

Through her eventful eight weeks, we’ve dealt with my post-birth hemorrhaging, a crazy bout with mastitis, a four-day hospitalization and lots of newborn gassiness. And it’s all wonderful.

When I got pregnant with my third, the half-sibling of my older two, I was faced with fears and nervousness I never thought possible. And when baby Luna was born, they all but disappeared.

I suddenly realized that the crying stops, that my 6-year-old and 9-year-old aren’t still crying at night or battling the navigation of a new nursing relationship. I realized that parenting is what you make it and that it is far easier to find joy than to give in to fear.

What I needed through my nerve-racking pregnancy was the realization that none of it will last forever.

I have three kids and instead of allowing the stress of juggling three tiny humans, their needs, personalities and schedules to overtake me, I have chosen to see the goodness.

The tiny baby who tosses and turns at night will one day grow into an amazing human being, and she is already pretty darn great. The fear society throws at us with all the well-meaning “you’ve got your hands full”s and “are you getting any sleep”s leads us to second-guess whether or not we should be enjoying this stage. And if doing so is delusional.

I can tell you I’ve never been happier to be the parent of a newborn. Now I see and know what they grow in to. My newborn has not been sent to disrupt my sleep or add to my to-do list. The hour breaks for nursing can be seen as either a hindrance or an opportunity to connect with this tiny person I spent nine months growing.

She is growing into her own person who, like her older brother, may love to play drums and listen to Daft Punk. Like her sister, she may live for staying up late reading and creating elaborate gifts for the special people in her life.

So when asked if she’s a “good baby” — yes. They are all good babies. And the time we spend with them at any stage is as good as we make it.

So I’m choosing to love every step of the way, whether or not I have beautifully edited Instagram photos to prove it. Because none of this lasts forever and I’d rather spend my days watching her grow instead of wishing for the day when parenting becomes easy. Because really, it never does. We just get to decide whether we embrace it or wish it away.

And as any older lady at the grocery store will tell you, they grow up too fast.

Photo credit: Andrew Snyder

This story was originally published March 12, 2017 at 9:00 PM with the headline "How to put parenting into perspective."