This note to my 29-year-old self could have saved my marriage

I just sat there.

Listening to these young moms talk.

I wanted to lunge across the table and shake them! If only I could share my secrets, tell them what I’d do differently.

If only I knew then, what I know now.

If I had the chance to tell 29-year-old Jennifer all the things that 44-year-old Jennifer has learned over the years, could you even imagine? Maybe my marriage would have been better. Maybe I’d still be married!

Ok, “Jennifer” at 29-years-old. Listen up, and take notes. Here’s what I’d say:

The party’s over.

Ok, Bridezilla, the wedding cake is gone. Stop your whining, and take off your dress. It’s over. So, what now?

Well, my pretty, it’s just you and your husband. REAL life is about to begin. Take advantage of this alone time. Travel, play and enjoy getting to know one another. Without the stress of planning a wedding.

Relax! And Jeezus, Young Jennifer, don’t rush to have a flippin’ kid! Ignore the pressure you might be feeling from other moms. Eat take out in bed and laugh. Before you know it, you’ll be driving a mini-van and pumping your breastmilk.

Getting pregnant isn’t that simple.

Ok, so getting pregnant will be easy, right? Wrong. It is for some women, sure. But for others, not so much. Come on, attempting pregnancy when you are ovulating at the exact time of month is so much fun!

Not. Flow charts, and temperature taking — getting pregnant ain’t as easy as you’d think.

Pregnancy does not equal free-for-all.

NO, you can’t eat anything you want when you’re pregnant. Put down that Snickers! And no, I’m not having TWINS.

I wanted to die. I was the size of a small house, and I was only four months in. Why didn’t anyone tell me it was not ok to double-fist a Slurpee and that Oreo Blizzard? I gained roughly 70 pounds and I swear to Goddess I was sure that kid was at least 23 pounds of it.

When he came out at 7 lbs, 14oz I almost punched the doctor in the face.

Note to Young Jennifer: Put down that donut, and do a few crunches.

Nobody’s perfect.

You’ve read all the books. You’re going to be the most perfect parent, to the most perfect child. Guess what? No such thing. No one is perfect. No parent, and no child.

I always thought every baby came out healthy, and “normal”. I was so naive. Sometimes life just throws you a curveball. You get a child with Autism. Or special needs. Or maybe, something way more challenging.

They say God gives us what we can handle, well…he must’ve thought I was a flipping rock star.

Life gets in the way of life.

You have your two kids. You have your house in the burbs…the nice car, and maybe a country club. And you’re even showering on a daily basis. Wow. You are kinda doing things right. You’re still a little chubby, but who really cares? Oh, now that you think about it….where is your husband? Hmmm.

Have you even had a date night? When was the last time you talked about something besides the kids? He’s hardly ever in the same room, other than to watch “Game of Thrones.” My bad.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

You do everything right. You do it faster, and better. Your way is the smartest, and the most efficient. And every time you tell him he’s wrong, you are taking away a little piece of him. It’s emasculating.

Step away from that backwards diaper. Is it really worth your marriage to fix it?

Look, no one grows up wishing to live Happily Ever After Divorced. We all know marriage ain’t easy, but divorce is harder. I don’t live with regret, I just wish I was a better wife. And I wish I knew then, what I know now.

But hey, I’ve grown so much, and my future relationships can only benefit from the knowledge I’ve gained.

This story was written for CharlotteFive’s latest channel for parents in the QC, called QC Playground. Sign up for the weekly QC Playground newsletter here.

This story was originally published March 29, 2017 at 9:00 PM with the headline "This note to my 29-year-old self could have saved my marriage."