Think dating is hard? Try dating when you’re a divorce attorney

It’s hard enough being a single professional woman in the dating world. It’s even harder to be in the dating world as a divorce attorney.

As a divorce attorney, I must maintain boundaries between my professional work and personal life, but, contrary to popular stereotypes, I am human. There have been times when I am sitting across from a suitor whose behavior is reflective of the failed relationships I have observed in my professional life. Despite rationalizing that I see more failed relationships than most people will ever observe, sometimes it’s hard to shake that feeling.

One date admitted that he was OK with not being honest with his partner that he bought a cubic zirconia instead of a diamond for an engagement ring. (The fact that he brought up the subject of engagement rings on the first date was the first red flag.)

In another situation, my date bragged about getting a sizable tax refund because he “knew how to work the system” by lying on his tax return. Piece of advice: Using the law effectively in your favor is impressive; lying, cheating, and disobeying the law — extremely unattractive.

To compound this dating dilemma, I’ve found that my strengths as a divorce litigator tend to be a surprise to those I’ve dated. I am strong in my opinions and ambitions. Taking a position on an issue and advocating for it is literally my job. But, in a society where ambitious females can be viewed as “bossy” versus “driven,” it isn’t always easy to find a date who doesn’t feel intimidated.

When I realized the hurdle, I became creative in my dating approach. At first, I told prospective suitors that I worked in the legal field. The response: “Are you a legal assistant? Paralegal?”

Sigh.

I guess that means I should assume that if you have small hands …

I then decided it was easier to be upfront: “I am a divorce attorney.” With this approach, one of 3 things generally happened:

(1) The date turned into a dueling match.

(2) The guy’s interest quickly dwindled because he would not be able to “convince me” to acquiesce to his physical intimacy goal versus my goal of developing a solid relationship.

(3) Or the guy was interested enough to go on a few more dates until other fallacies or red flags exposed themselves.

Guys, I get it — dating a divorce attorney can be daunting. But for those who respect women, and whose “skeletons in the closet” don’t include legal issues, I promise there’s nothing to be nervous about.

And finally, a shout-out to female police officers and those in the psychiatric field, both of whom I imagine inspire similar reactions – the good guys are out there, we’ll meet them, have faith!

Photo: Unsplash.com.

This story was originally published May 2, 2017 at 11:51 PM with the headline "Think dating is hard? Try dating when you’re a divorce attorney."