How to make love last, according to the man behind #100LoveNotes
Last November, Hyong Yi’s 100 Love Notes project, created to honor his late wife’s legacy, inspired millions of people worldwide to reach out to their loved ones.
And now the man behind the movement (and a forthcoming book on the subject) wants to speak directly to newlyweds—and anyone who wants to build a relationship that lasts.
It started in November 2014, when Yi, a Charlotte assistant city manager, said goodbye to his wife of 15 years, Catherine Zanga, after a years-long battle with ovarian cancer. Yi was devastated. But after a few months, he decided to begin the healing process by writing. And sharing it.
On the one-year anniversary of his wife’s death, Yi and his two children walked through uptown Charlotte, passing out notes that contained poetic snippets of their love story—from their first date (“Hi. I’m not asking much/just a partner for a bike ride/a buddy so I’m not alone”) to the birth of their son (“Sleep. You did the hard work/I’ll take care of this beautiful boy/This is how I love you”) to their final goodbye (“You remain in my heart/Your name is etched on my arm/I am a better man because of you”).
Yi launched a website, 100LoveNotes.com, where all of the notes are displayed. The hashtag #100LoveNotes became one of the top trending hashtags in the world, appearing millions of times. And media outlets from the U.K. to Korea to Australia picked up the story.
Now, Yi wants to spread his message of encouragement, not despair, to lovers everywhere—with three key pieces of advice:
(1) Remember the ‘spaces in between
Grand gestures are important (ask any spouse who has forgotten a birthday or wedding anniversary), but you can’t rely on flowers for Valentine’s Day or a box of chocolates for an anniversary, or a piece of jewelry every Christmas to maintain and sustain your relationship.
But love is not a flower you can water once a week. Marriage is nurtured by what you do in the spaces between those responsibilities and grand acts: an unexpected text message, a thoughtful note, a simple phone call to say “I love you,” a walk around the block together. Those are all simple commitments that grow love over time.
Maybe you just decide to take 30 minutes and turn off all electronic devices and just be in each other’s company. You don’t even have to talk; just sit there and hold hands.
(2) End every conversation the right way
Before leaving home, always say “I love you.” In our youth, we expect our love to be there forever. And days are taken for granted on the promise that there will be a lifetime, measured in decades, of love.
But what if you didn’t have decades? What if you only had two years? Two days? How would you love? Live like you only have two more minutes with your love.
(3) Choose love
Lastly, choose love every day. When you wake up, choose love. When you fight, choose love. When you have a spare moment, choose love. Let it fill you and radiate from you to others.
I think about Catherine and the happiness I felt in loving her and being loved by her. She chose me. She didn’t have to. I cherish that and it brings me joy. My life is so much better— even now—because of that.
So to you good newlyweds, I offer this closing exhortation: Live fiercely. Love completely. Choose love every day. Love can get lost in the mundane. Find it, hold onto it tight, and let it fill you. Then, listen to what it has to say, and be moved to action.
Photos: Charlotte Observer file, Hyong Yi
The original version of this story first appeared in Carolina Bride magazine.
This story was originally published July 24, 2016 at 10:03 PM with the headline "How to make love last, according to the man behind #100LoveNotes."