Why you need to do a self-evaluation to boost your relationship

It’s Margarita Monday! Each week, we publish a story about dating by Lauren Levine and/or Ali Washburn to go along with the latest episode of “The Margarita Confessionals,” a podcast for the jaded dater. You can find it on Soundcloud or iTunes.

Being self-analytical isn’t as easy as it seems. That’s why that performance self-evaluation you have to do at work is still sitting on your desk waiting to be finished.

But when you’re in a relationship, that kind of self-analysis is essential. What can you do to make your connection better? What do you need from your boyfriend or girlfriend to get there?

If you’re ready to do a deep-dive into your own brain and boost the health of your relationship, here’s where to start:

(1) Learn how to pick up on your own patterns

When you’re buzzing through your daily life trying to make a dent in your to-do list, deep thought can slide to the bottom of your priorities. That’s why it’s important to set aside time to take a step back and see how your behavior is contributing (both positively and negatively) to your relationship. Journaling is a great way to give yourself insight into the actions you repeat and the thoughts you keep revisiting.

(2) Don’t be afraid to over-communicate

You don’t want to insult your partner’s intelligence, so you assume that they know what you want and need out of your relationship. But you know what they say about assuming — it’s true. Even if it seems like your needs are obvious, don’t be afraid to get specific with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Let them know exactly how they can make you feel settled and secure.

(3) Be generous with your praise

It’s easy to get critical when your significant other is doing something less-than-ideal, but if you’re going to critique, you also have to be willing to offer positive comments, too. Call it the “Yelp” effect. Many people only think to leave a review when they’ve had a bad experience at a restaurant, but when everything’s peachy they just continue on with their day. Make it a point to compliment your boo just as much as you constructively criticize. Do you love how they made dinner when you had a particularly chaotic day? Admire their trip planning skills? Let them know.

(4) Don’t immediately reject criticism

It can be tough to hear criticism, particularly when it’s coming from someone you love, but this feedback is necessary if you want to continue to improve your relationship. If your partner is offering thoughts on what they need from you, be open to the feedback and be willing to adapt when necessary.

(5) Don’t let outside stresses put extra pressure on your relationship

You have a birthday coming up. You feel this constant pressure about whether this person is “The One” or if/when you’ll get married. All of a sudden simple conversations seem to become much more symbolic, and you’re trying to find hidden meaning in everything. This can take a solid relationship and make it tense. Outside stress comes with the territory when you’re an adult, but make it a point to enjoy your relationship for what it is. Don’t let pressure from family, friends, or other factors cause tension to seep into your relationship.

Photo: Johnny Lai/Flickr

This story was originally published July 31, 2016 at 11:02 PM with the headline "Why you need to do a self-evaluation to boost your relationship."