What would you tell your younger self about dating?
From flipping through magazines and reading articles titled “How to Get the Guy” and other must-dos for stellar relationships to swiping right on the Tinder app for THAT cutie, dating can be all consuming—but are you really doing it right? And by right, I mean looking for the right things, asking the right questions, trusting your gut and listening to not only what you want but what you need and deserve?
Here are some thoughts from Charlotte notables who give advice to their younger selves about dating. Perhaps you can pick up a tip or two.
Dr. Ella L.J. Bell Smith, founder and president, ASCENT
Smith said her younger self looked for arrogant men, when in reality those were never the nice guys. She would tell her younger self: “Don’t go for the superficial. Fine does not last. Age takes fine. Looks are not like wine—they do not age well.”
She would also say: “Don’t supplement a man to make you feel smart. It’s important for you to show your [own] intelligence. Being smart is important.”
James E. Mitchell, Jr., Charlotte City Council At-Large
“Having a healthy relationship is a good way of living. Find someone that you can support and believe in. At the end of the day, it’s all about what each of you bring to the table. The sum of the relationship is better than the individual….it’s better together.”
Lori Giang, executive director, NC MedAssist
“I could certainly continue the list but these are my top five, for sure.”
Her list:
“Your worth is who you are as a child of God and not in who you are dating.”
“Modesty in the clothes you wear creates mystery and mystery is sexy.”
“You must love yourself first before you can expect someone to love you.”
“You don’t have to do all the talking; silence is golden.”
“Even if there is no spark after a first or second date; be kind and let them know gently.”
No Limit Larry, No Limit Larry & The Morning Maddhouse
“Choose wisely who you date. You don’t want to intertwine your spirit with everybody. I would also say, don’t hold grudges over mistakes made by people. We are all human and imperfect.”
Michelle Diane Rodriguez, owner, Michelle Diane Studio
“Always put your feelings and yourself first. You can never really contribute to anyone else if you are not secure in who you are.”
Kelly Davis, family relationship expert and Thomas Davis Defending Dreams’ executive director
“To date absolutely every chance you get. But real dating, not hook ups. Meet new people, go out, explore new things but maintain two important rules: No. 1, make sure that a guy courts you, opens doors, pulls out chairs, woos you, etc. And No. 2, save sex for marriage. I did not wait but in a perfect world, it would’ve been nice to be my husband’s first.”
Photos: Victor Hanacek, Chuck Eaton Photography, Lori Giang, No Limit Larry, Michelle Diane Rodriguez, Kelly Davis
This story was originally published August 2, 2016 at 11:00 PM with the headline "What would you tell your younger self about dating?."