How to take the stress out of introducing your significant other to your parents
This week we had Joanne Spataro, a humorist and writer, join us on The Margarita Confessionals. As we sipped our drinks, we covered everything from her coming out experience to finding a job you love and the importance of nachos.
While the topic of cheesy, crunchy deliciousness certainly piqued our interest, Joanne really got us thinking when she told a story about the nerves she experienced before she introduced her girlfriend, Lara, to her family.
We’ve all been there. You want your parents to like your significant other or approve of your career path or your friends. But how do you balance the desire to keep the peace with your family with doing what feels right to you? Here are some thoughts on seeking parent approval and knowing when to trust your own instincts:
Know when to take their perspective into consideration
Haircuts grow back and jobs can be changed, but if you’re making a more permanent leap, your parents’ feedback is valuable. At the same time, you have to toe that fine line between taking your family’s opinion seriously and only making parent-approved choices. You don’t need everyone’s full buy-in to make a decision once you’re an adult, so recognize when something matters strongly to you and pursue it anyway, even if your family isn’t totally sold.
Make sure the situation is right
Whether you’re telling your family about a career change or introducing them to a significant other, choose the situation carefully. They probably don’t need to be meeting your new boo for the first time at a massive family gathering when Aunt Julie and Aunt Cindy are going to be screaming at each other over a decades-old beef.
While you can’t control whether your dad drills your significant other about his 10-year plan for himself, you can make sure you’re creating an environment that’s as inviting as possible while everyone gets to know each other.
Get other opinions
If you brought your new boyfriend home to meet Mom and Dad and it was a disaster, it’s time to analyze what went wrong. Was the timing off? If your parents were hyper-focused on planning your sister’s wedding at that time, maybe you need a do-over. Their opinion may have been skewed by other factors that were happening at that time. However, if you realize that your friends tend to complain about him too and your brother didn’t have great things to say either, it’s time to analyze some things.
Get the support you need
Your family’s opinion is important, but if they don’t back a choice you’re making, that doesn’t mean you have to move forward totally on your own. There are plenty of other connections who can provide encouragement. Friends, co-workers, networking groups, and extended family can all give you the backing you need to feel confident as you go after what you want, even if Mom and Dad are side-eyeing the choice.
It’s Margarita Monday! Each week, we publish a story about dating by Lauren Levine and/or Ali Washburn to go along with the latest episode of “The Margarita Confessionals,” a podcast for the jaded dater. You can find it on Soundcloud or iTunes.
Photo: Glen Wilson/Universal Pictures
This story was originally published August 14, 2016 at 11:02 PM with the headline "How to take the stress out of introducing your significant other to your parents."