5 steps to having the best Friendsgiving ever

I learned the term “Friendsgiving” in 2012 when I was living in Charleston. I was flattered to be invited – I was joining a group of half strangers and half friends, and they wanted me there to celebrate the closest thing to a family holiday friends can create. I didn’t know what to expect other than an ample amount of alcohol, as is the way with most Charleston parties.

I made some sorry excuse for a green bean casserole, tucked a bottle of cheap red under my sweater-clad arm and walked on in. Close to 20 people milled around the table with heavy pours of wine and circled the bird in the kitchen, arranging dishes this way and that, chattering warmly, some taking a shot of something or other and finding any available semblance of a seat.

But the moment I remember most is the moment we finally sat down and, despite the strange mixture of strangers and friends, went around the table and said one thing each person was thankful for.

I was thankful for friends.

I’ve attended a few more Friendsgivings since then. Each one has been colored by a touch of chaos, an abundance of social (and wine-induced) warmth, topped off by a gracious host.

This year, I got the grand invitation to the third annual Tom-Hanks-themed Friendsgiving hosted by my boyfriend Rémy and his roommate Joe. They started the tradition when they moved to Charlotte, to get that home-away-from-home feeling. The tentative plan for the 2016 affair is to cram around a temporary table in Joe and Rémy’s apartment living room in Wesley Heights, in the style of BYOC (bring your own chair), BYOB (you should know this) and BYOSD (bring your own side dish).

This year I’m ready to function as a proper Friendsgiving guest with these five steps:

(1) Embrace the theme, if there is one.

Rémy and Joe are Friendsgiving extremists who design a Friendsgiving poster each year (for invitation purposes, of course) with the title boldly displayed. This tradition began when they realized Tom Hanks abbreviated — T. Hanks — could read as “thanks.”

The theme year one was “Turkey and Hooch” (“Turner and Hooch”). Year two was “Savory Poultry Frying” (“Saving Private Ryan”). And year three of T.Hanksgiving is “Baste Away” (“Cast Away”).

I’ve already wrapped my mind around the fact that every side dish is themed, too, from the Green Bean Mile Casserole to the Catch Me if You Cranberry Sauce.

(2) If you have special dietary needs, just blurt it out.

And so, being the obnoxious vegetarian of the group, I got assigned the Meatless in Seattle side dish. The beauty of this situation is (a) I know I’ll be able to eat something at Friendsgiving, and (b) some other attendees are making additional vegetarian-friendly items, like stock-free stuffing. Which means more food for all.

(3) Get at least a little creative with your side dish.

The hosts generally supply the bird and the corresponding stuffing. Even if you’re like me and suck at cooking, put a little soul into it. Think about a restaurant side you’re in love with. The shaved Brussels sprouts salad as Earl’s Grocery is one of the most delectable side dishes I’ve come across. (And we know about Charlotte’s Brussels sprouts phenomenon.)

I landed on this similar-tasting Epicurious.com recipe and subbed 2 tablespoons of Pecorino with 1 cup of Pecorino, and walnuts with chopped almonds (to accommodate my significant other’s walnut allergy). I practiced crafting the dish this weekend. It’s not pretty. Yet.

(4) Embrace the random mix of people.

Maybe you feel like you don’t belong because you only know half of the faces here. But that’s the beauty of Friendsgiving — it brings together the random coworkers, long-lost childhood friends and new friends of the hosts. All are welcome here.

(5) Be thankful, dammit.

And eat some Brussels sprouts.

Photos: Todd Sumlin/Charlotte Observer, Katie Toussaint

This story was originally published November 6, 2016 at 11:00 PM with the headline "5 steps to having the best Friendsgiving ever."