Quit playing games with my heart: 6 ways to tell if they actually want a date
Dating apps are an easy way to meet people you probably wouldn’t run into otherwise, but one of the biggest complaints we hear is that some users treat these apps like a game. Instead of trying to start a conversation in hopes of building a connection (which actually can be done!) some people are simply looking to accumulate as many matches as possible.
It can be frustrating trying to figure out which category the match you’re currently talking to falls into. Here are some quick tips that can help you figure out if the person is actually using online dating to find a more serious connection:
(1) They make set plans
Life is insanely busy, especially as we get closer to the holidays, so it can be hard to make plans. Doing so may require serious finagling of schedules, and that’s OK. Just don’t sell yourself short when it comes to what constitutes a date. In case you need a refresher (we all do from time to time) here’s what a date is:
– Scheduled in advance.
– Does not start late at night.
– Features just the two of you without the presence of friends, family members, neighbors, etc.
– Includes a set start time.
Here is what a date is not:
– “I’m at (fill in the blank) place with my friends. Want to come meet us?”
– “Hey want to meet in 15 minutes for a drink?”
– (The time is midnight.) “What are you up to?”
– “Let’s meet in person! Want to come over and watch a movie?”
Remember: Fancy and elaborate aren’t requirements for a date; some thought is.
(2) They remember things you told them.
It could be about your job, your hobbies, or your weekend plans, but someone who is actually interested in dating you remembers details you tell them.
(3) They don’t use cheesy lines.
We’ve all encountered the “u r cute” or “hey gorgeous” people on Tinder or Bumble. A) They’re most likely just copying and pasting this to everyone they match with and B) They’re probably not interested in pursuing a real relationship. Starting a conversation on a dating app can be awkward, sure, but a simple, “Did you do anything fun this weekend?” will do if you’re stuck.
(4) They actually chat with you on the app.
If your dialogue consists of you asking a question and their one-word response, you have to wonder why you matched in the first place. Someone who’s interested in dating wants to have a back and forth, and will make an effort to keep the conversation going.
(5) They want to exchange numbers.
If you’re two weeks in and still messaging via an app without any indication that you’ll meet in person anytime soon, this person might just be looking for someone to help pass the time during the workday. They use dating apps how some people use Sudoku or Buzzfeed quizzes. Needless to say, you deserve better.
(6) They want to get to know you before asking to meet up.
On the flip side, if you exchange one message with someone and they immediately want to meet up, it’s a red flag. People who are actually interested in dating want to confirm that the person they will be meeting is a sane, reasonable individual before they solidify plans. Someone who rushes into getting together is probably in the market for a quick hookup.
It’s Margarita Monday! Each week, we publish a story about dating by Lauren Levine and/or Ali Washburn to go along with the latest episode of “The Margarita Confessionals,” a podcast for the jaded dater. You can find it on Soundcloud or iTunes.
Photo: Richard Perry/The New York Times
This story was originally published November 13, 2016 at 10:37 PM with the headline "Quit playing games with my heart: 6 ways to tell if they actually want a date."