The Margarita Confessionals: Everyone should try dating in 2016 for one week

Welcome back to Margarita Monday! Each week, we’ll be publishing a story about dating by Lauren Levine and/or Ali Washburn to go along with the latest episode of “The Margarita Confessionals,” a podcast for the jaded dater. You can find it on Soundcloud or iTunes.

If you’re single, you definitely have people in your life who have thoughts on how you’re approaching dating. This gets tricky when the advice is coming from someone who hasn’t dated since the Razr phone was the coveted communication device. It’s even stranger when the advice comes from a parent whose last first date was when The Rolling Stones were young and spritely.

Dating in 2016 has its own language. You have to become fluent in dating apps, emojis, social media and a bunch of illogical rules that dominate today’s romantic culture. If you haven’t been a part of this experience, it’s hard to fully fathom the bizarre and beautiful process of trying to meet The One.

This is why Ali and I believe that all people should have to try dating in 2016 for a week. Here is some of the strange phenomena that they would undoubtedly experience:

There’s a new form of getting stood up

Getting stood up used to mean sitting at a restaurant waiting for your date and leaving when you realized they weren’t showing. Today it means your date texts you an hour before you’re supposed to meet and says something came up at work. You might be upset, but it’s become so common that you also might have expected this to happen. Plans have taken on this tentative feel, particularly when a first date is involved.

Also, you know that there are dozens of other matches just a swipe away so who cares about Nick or Sarah or whoever just blew you off?

You can exchange hundreds of texts with someone and never meet

Online dating is great because it lets you meet people you wouldn’t have encountered otherwise. Online dating is also weird as hell. You can swap numbers with someone and text for weeks, but never actually meet in person. You’re essentially pen pals who live in the same city.

There are too many options

I can’t handle online shopping. I don’t have the patience or the energy to scroll through 36 pages of boots trying to find the perfect pair. Even when I find a pair I think I like, I still feel obligated to scroll through the rest of the pages just in case there’s a pair I might like better.

This is the same reason why online dating is overwhelming. Even if you do meet someone who sparks your interest, some small part of your brain thinks, “But who ELSE is out there?” I’m not really sure how you get past this. I guess you just keep repeating this process until you’re 80 and are like, “Okay, I’m done. Enough. I’m going to delete Tinder and go knit or something.”

If you want to hear more about why all people, regardless of relationship status, should have to date for a week in 2016, check out this week’s episode of The Margarita Confessionals.

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Photo: Remy Thurston