This is the Cam Newton erotic fiction you’ve been waiting for
Your Carolina Panthers Super Bowl fantasies don’t have to end yet.
If you have a thing for Cam Newton and need something to fill the long months between now and the start of the next football season, you can download “Dabbin’ with Cam: A Cam Newton Erotic Romance” by Caroline Blue. (Probably a pen name. A quick Google search came up empty.)
Here’s a quick synopsis: Caroline works at a bank (I think) in Charlotte and won tickets to go to the Super Bowl in Santa Clara. She gets a little drunk, makes some mistakes, pulls off a miraculous feat, ends up in the locker room with Cam Newton and … yeah. (For a longer, double-entendre-filled synopsis, check out the Amazon description.)
The Kindle book is $.99 and worth every penny. (It’s free if you have KindleUnlimited. Pro tip: You get a free trial of KindleUnlimited when you download the app.)
The ebook comes in at an action-packed 45 pages and has all of the markings of great erotic fan fiction:
– Typos (whole/hole … a lot)
– Unnecessary detail (Caroline’s basset hound is named Louis after Louis C.K. and a Loius Vuitton handbag she’s been eyeing for years)
– So many football double entendres (There’s one series that lasts a page and a half and includes lines like “pound it in the open whole (sic)”)
– Sex (duh)
And the cover is incredible, for so many reasons:
I spent an hour yesterday afternoon reading the book. For journalism. (You’re welcome.) Below are some of my favorite excerpts, with zero context given.
I noticed his friend pointing at my midsection laughing. I looked down. I had forgot (sic) to button my slacks when I left the ladies room.
[…]
“Hey, little lady. Head back that way. Cam wants to holler at you for sure.” … I walked back into the locker room and immediately realized what I’ve been missing all these years…and what the female sports reporters hadn’t been missing!
[…]
Eight inches to my left. Nine inches to my right. There goes another seven to nine I though (sic). And they aren’t even hard yet!
[…]
All I could think about was reaching out and slapping his beautiful behind. His perfectly sculpted, round, firm, smooth as silk behind.
[…]
“Come on girl! Dab!” Next thing I knew we were dancing, dabbing, and doing the cat daddy.
[…]
I ripped open my blouse like Superman.
[…]
My hand continued down to the goal line. Before I even got close I could feel his goal post.
[…]
It was a long sustained drive that lasted the fully (sic) fifteen minutes.
[…]
“Well, Caroline,” he said. He raised his hands in position and said, “don’t forget to…” as he dabbed.
I dabbed back. We both smiled and out the doorway and into the night I went.
The best part of “Dabbin’ with Cam”? SPOILER ALERT: In this world, the Panthers came back and won the Super Bowl.
Photo: Screenshot of the cover.
This story was originally published February 10, 2016 at 12:18 AM with the headline "This is the Cam Newton erotic fiction you’ve been waiting for."