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This is the Cam Newton erotic fiction you’ve been waiting for

Your Carolina Panthers Super Bowl fantasies don’t have to end yet.

If you have a thing for Cam Newton and need something to fill the long months between now and the start of the next football season, you can download “Dabbin’ with Cam: A Cam Newton Erotic Romance” by Caroline Blue. (Probably a pen name. A quick Google search came up empty.)

Here’s a quick synopsis: Caroline works at a bank (I think) in Charlotte and won tickets to go to the Super Bowl in Santa Clara. She gets a little drunk, makes some mistakes, pulls off a miraculous feat, ends up in the locker room with Cam Newton and … yeah. (For a longer, double-entendre-filled synopsis, check out the Amazon description.)

The Kindle book is $.99 and worth every penny. (It’s free if you have KindleUnlimited. Pro tip: You get a free trial of KindleUnlimited when you download the app.)

The ebook comes in at an action-packed 45 pages and has all of the markings of great erotic fan fiction:

– Typos (whole/hole … a lot)

– Unnecessary detail (Caroline’s basset hound is named Louis after Louis C.K. and a Loius Vuitton handbag she’s been eyeing for years)

– So many football double entendres (There’s one series that lasts a page and a half and includes lines like “pound it in the open whole (sic)”)

– Sex (duh)

And the cover is incredible, for so many reasons:

dabbinwithcam

I spent an hour yesterday afternoon reading the book. For journalism. (You’re welcome.) Below are some of my favorite excerpts, with zero context given.


I noticed his friend pointing at my midsection laughing. I looked down. I had forgot (sic) to button my slacks when I left the ladies room.

[…]

“Hey, little lady. Head back that way. Cam wants to holler at you for sure.” … I walked back into the locker room and immediately realized what I’ve been missing all these years…and what the female sports reporters hadn’t been missing!

[…]

Eight inches to my left. Nine inches to my right. There goes another seven to nine I though (sic). And they aren’t even hard yet!

[…]

All I could think about was reaching out and slapping his beautiful behind. His perfectly sculpted, round, firm, smooth as silk behind.

[…]

“Come on girl! Dab!” Next thing I knew we were dancing, dabbing, and doing the cat daddy.

[…]

I ripped open my blouse like Superman.

[…]

My hand continued down to the goal line. Before I even got close I could feel his goal post.

[…]

It was a long sustained drive that lasted the fully (sic) fifteen minutes.

[…]

“Well, Caroline,” he said. He raised his hands in position and said, “don’t forget to…” as he dabbed.

I dabbed back. We both smiled and out the doorway and into the night I went.


The best part of “Dabbin’ with Cam”? SPOILER ALERT: In this world, the Panthers came back and won the Super Bowl.

Photo: Screenshot of the cover.

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