Your Birthday Today
Today brims with auspiciousness.
Selfie with The Firebird while avoiding photo-bombing school kids is a must.
Michael Jordan will smile at you at an upcoming Hornets game.
Tinder is not for you, too many bankers. Ask your ex for a second chance.
Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)
Red Ventures recruiters appear in your dreams.
They’re asking for referrals, not about you.
980 robo-calls trouble you, yet you can’t ignore them.
Take out from Earl’s Grocery proves consequential.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb 18)
Fortune smiles upon you.
Today is a good day to shop. Try Ayrsley, you won’t lose your car there like SouthPark.
Make a big purchase regardless of your ability to pay. You deserve rewards despite what your mother says.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Today shows tremendous promise. For Cam Newton, not for you.
Cough a lot when calling out sick. Your coworkers are wise.
Capsizing your kayak at the US National Whitewater Center is NOT a good excuse.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Decide not to decide.
What would Clodfelter’s ‘stache do?
There is your course of action.
Taurus (April 20-May20)
Hop, Drop & Roll your way out of bed early today.
Go for two salted caramel brownies at Amelie’s. You deserve it.
Flywheel is not for you today. Or ever.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Nothing is as it seems
Downtown is uptown.
Rama is Sardis.
Barbecue is a noun, not a verb.
NoDa is not in Davidson.
Continue being curious, it will pay off.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Scratch Off Tuesday is not a work holiday.
B-Cycle will eat your credit-card, this is a sign.
You will meet your soulmate at #InstabeerupCLT.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Road trip to Alston Bridges Barbecue in Shelby is in order
Don’t argue with the Dukies in the apartment next door.
Seek counsel from Central Avenue palm reader.
Virgo ( August 23-Sept. 22)
Your social media status is slipping. Socialtopias is the answer.
Posts using terms like New South, world-class, and aspirational will help.
Getting Steph Curry to follow you is even better.
Libra (Sept 23-October 22)
Seek inspiration at the Music Factory.
Eschew the new corporate name, giving nod instead to its Carolina roots.
Unless you work for AvidXchange, then embrace it.
Rearranging the letters in “Fillmore” will provide your firstborn’s middle name.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
Go to Belk with your mother.
Do it. Really.
Succor is found in house wares.
Sagittarius (Nov.22 – Dec. 21)
Channel your inner Mike Collins.
Wonder aloud while on the LYNX light rail.
See the ball. Be the ball.
*April Fools. Nothing in this story is true.
Photo: Charlotte Observer file