[Editor’s note: This is a response to Katie’s post “Dear guys, stop making these 7 stupid mistakes on first dates.” If you haven’t already, you may want to read that post first and come back.]
We sit down at dinner. You’ve wanted to try this place for weeks since it first opened; apparently the shishito peppers are to die for.
You said yes when I asked you out—you even smiled and blushed at me. But now we’re here, and the pressure is on. We can both feel it, so steer clear of these seven first-date killers for a chance at a second.
(1) Not eating — or even ordering — dinner.
If you ate before I picked you up, why are you still going out to dinner with me? I don’t care to be watched while I chew.
If you’re dieting, I get it, we all want to look trim, but a girl who can plow through a bowl of spaghetti is a winner in my book.
(2) Not offering to contribute towards the bill.
I came prepared to pay for a dinner for two, so I’m not worried about the cost, but maybe just pretend like you’d like to pay for your dinner. Even after I refuse to let you.
(3) Not admitting you’ve stalked me online — at least a little bit.
I can tell when you are feigning surprise after learning I wasn’t born in the South, or that I speak French. You can admit you saw my unfortunate shoulder-length hair from freshman year.
And yeah, I probably looked you up too.
(4) Divulging your long-term relationship goals.
We barely know each other. I don’t need to know that you expect to have four kids, two dogs and a white picket fence in the next year. That projection might not mesh with mine — if I knew what mine was.
(5) Mentioning your ex.
Katie mentioned this one in her article, too. It’s going to make me wonder why you’re single now, and why you felt the need to bring it up in the first place … lingering emotions maybe? Watch how fast I drop you off later.
(6) Trying to post a picture of the two of us online.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I barely like putting photos of myself on the Internet, much less photos of me with someone whom I’ve spent a total of 3 hours with so far. Let’s hold off on tagging me in Instagram selfies until I know you’re not using me to make those exes you mentioned jealous.
(7) Assuming I’m just trying to sleep with you.
I won’t lie: sex has crossed my mind. You’re attractive and I can’t drain the testosterone from my body on command. But I’m also not a wild animal. It’s offensive to assume I can’t restrain myself.
I may try to kiss you, though. Or not.
I hope you’ll understand if I need more time to know whether we’re compatible, or take it as a compliment that I already feel comfortable enough with you to touch mouths together.
It helps if you ate something at dinner I wanted to taste.
Featured photo by Remy Thurston