Cancer couldn’t keep this UNC Charlotte student’s dad from walking her down the aisle

Around this time last year, Riley Byrnes-Peterson had her hands full. A student at UNC Charlotte, she was studying Child and Family Development – a course of study about the development of children from birth to kindergarten. But it was the family development part that particularly spoke to Peterson.

“We learn a lot about different family dynamics. A family can be defined by anything,” Peterson said.

Days were long and a grueling schedule often involved traveling to a variety of schools, including private and lower income schools, as a student teacher. But according to Peterson, it was always a labor of love.

“I can teach infant through pre-K, but I’d be grateful to teach at any level. I want to be anywhere that works with children. I love the public-school setting.”

It was in September 2019, in the midst of that grueling schedule, that everything changed when her father, Tom Byrnes, was diagnosed with an aggressive case of Intrahepatic Bile Duct cancer. Family, both biological and the chosen kind, rallied in support as her father went through several rounds of chemo. During times when Byrnes was hospitalized, Peterson and her brother would sleep at their mother’s house across the street from the hospital so they could be close by. A surgery was scheduled to remove part of his liver, but the cancer grew beyond the initial tumor, and operating without spreading it further was no longer an option.

“I would come into the classroom having had a horrible night,” said Peterson, who credits her students with lifting her spirits. “And no matter what you’re going through, the kids would run through the door and give you a hug to start the day. Just the positivity that reverberates off of them made me grateful. The kids kept me sane.”

A glass half-full kind of guy

Her father’s love language was food. He loved to eat, but his specialty was Italian food. According to Peterson, he would “go into a restaurant, pick something, and recreate it at home.”

Next to food was music. On days when he had chemo, her father would wake up and listen to “Lovely Day” by Bill Withers.

As an eternal optimist, “He let nothing affect him,” Peterson said. When things were great, her father would declare, “My glass is full.” And when they weren’t? “My glass is almost full.” She never heard him claim it was half-empty.

At first, he was concerned about Peterson’s choice to be a teacher. Would she make enough money? According to estimates released by the National Education Association in 2019, North Carolina was ranked 29th in the nation for teacher pay and second in the Southeast.

But the more he saw her studying and sacrificing to be impactful in kids’ learning, he became convinced. What put it over the edge? A video Peterson sent her father where she’s singing along with an acoustic guitar as part of a lesson for her Educator Teacher Performance Assessment.

That’s when he knew, “It was never about being paid,” Peterson said. “He knew then that’s what I was supposed to be doing.”

Coming together to celebrate

When the family realized that her father’s cancer had no cure, her father got emotional but said, “We’re going to have every day like Christmas, and every night like New Year’s.” It became a mantra that everyone stood behind, and the inspiration for Peterson, who was engaged at the time, to move up her wedding so that her father could walk her down the aisle. It was a tall order for the college senior, but she and her fiancé, Hayden, were committed – and not alone in that commitment.

A big wedding had been scheduled for June, but the realization of her father’s worsening condition convinced Peterson that she had to change that if she wanted her father to walk her down the aisle. In a mad dash to the altar, the pair gave themselves three days to make it happen, but they weren’t in it alone. A network of family, friends, and community members would all pull together to see her wedding day to fruition.

Mignon of Charlotte’s Garden put together flower arrangements including a bouquet for the bride, and boutonnieres for the men in the ceremony. Flowers were planted around her father’s backyard, and a floral harbor was curated for the two to stand beneath while they recited their vows.

Family members pitched in and decorated the landscape with candles all around. Her father’s best friend came at 8 a.m. on the day of the wedding to clear the backyard, mow the lawn and tidy the garage.

A bridesmaid did hair and makeup for the wedding party. Hayden’s father, a pastor, came to officiate.

Peterson found a wedding dress at the Goodwill off Wilkinson Boulevard in Charlotte for $25. She found her wedding band on Amazon and Hayden’s at a local Walmart.

Her father’s former boss ordered food from Quail Hollow Country Club. According to Peterson, his only specifications to the catering service were, “I want the hot food hot, and the cold food cold.”

Makenzie Lauren of Makenzie Lauren Photography arrived from Concord, post-partum, to shoot the wedding.

Peterson’s father worked as a textile engineer for most of his life, and had traveled the world to places such as Turkey, India, China and the Dominican Republic for fabric inspiration. He even created a pattern called “Niko,” named after her dog. Peterson paid homage to these adventures by including her dad’s fabric designs as part of the wedding décor. There were notes of jacquard, “beautiful and unique” Peterson said.

It was a wedding day built by a community, a network of family both biological and by choice. But her favorite moment that day was dancing with her father.

“[During a recent hospital stay, her father] had trouble rolling over in his bed, but at the wedding he shot right up and started dancing,” Peterson said. “Everyone was crying.”

Together, Peterson and her father chose the song “Give You Blue” by Allen Stone – their favorite artist. It had significant meaning beyond the melody because, on a whim, Peterson had decided to message Stone on Facebook while her father was in the hospital. Without missing a beat, the artist responded “What’s his name?” and then sent a personalized video message to her father that included words of encouragement.

“It was such a beautiful moment in the sight of family and God,” she said about her wedding day.

Saying goodbye

Tom Byrnes passed away on March 21, seven days after he walked his daughter down the aisle at her wedding. A few days before, she learned that she had passed the teacher assessment with flying colors. “He was so proud,” she said. “That was the one condition for him – to graduate college. It’s a memory I’ll always cherish with him.”

As a result of the shelter-in-place order due to COVID 19, graduations were canceled and universities closed their doors, but thanks to a clinical supervisor at UNC Charlotte who drove halfway across town to pick up her cap and gown, Peterson’s father got to see her in her graduation attire a few weeks before his passing.

Since then, she’s been teaching from home because of coronavirus restrictions and plans to continue teaching in the fall. The bigger wedding originally planned for June is still on the calendar, and a honeymoon in the Dominican Republic will follow in July.

“I’m looking forward to settling into our home,” said Peterson, who lives on a 2-acre property in Rock Hill. She and her husband have been planting around the yard. “We’re excited to see the harvest,” she said.

The experience taught Peterson several things, chief among them is the value of family and community. “It’s OK to not be able to do it all yourself,” she said. “Sometimes you have to ask for help. It’s OK to be vulnerable and utilize your support systems. I have so much to be thankful for.”