Is this 50-year-old NC carpenter ‘too old’ — or ‘not relevant’ enough — to be Mrs. America?
Most people have someone in their lives who insists on being a critic, and for Danelle Martin — the reigning Mrs. North Carolina America pageant queen — that someone is named Bob.
After the mother of three had what she calls a “terrible” showing in her first state “Mrs.” competition in 2022, she decided a couple months later that she wanted to give it another try in 2023. And soon after, this decision happened to come up at a dinner table Martin was at in Charlotte, her hometown for 30 years, with a group that included her husband’s friend.
“Bob was just starting off conversation. ... I think it came out of concern, you know?” she recalls.
“But he said, ‘Why would you do that? You can’t win.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Well, you’re too old, and you’re not really relevant anymore. What I see, and what I know to be true of pageantry, is young, tall, perfect build, blonde.’ He had a vision in his mind. I didn’t fit that mold. At almost 50 at that time, I didn’t fit that mold.”
The very next day, fueled by his naysaying, Martin hatched an idea for a podcast focused on delivering “a really healthy dose of women’s empowerment” that she called “Diary of a Queen” and launched in October 2022.
In 2023, she finished second runner-up in Mrs. North Carolina, at age 49. A year later — this past May — she won the crown.
At 50. As the second-oldest woman in the pageant.
Martin (whose first name is pronounced “Dan-YELL,” by the way, not “Duh-NELL”) will represent the Tar Heel State at the 2024 Mrs. America Pageant, to be held on Wednesday afternoon, Aug. 28, in Las Vegas, Nevada.
In a interview earlier this summer with The Charlotte Observer at her parents’ Charlotte home, the newly transplanted Banner Elk resident talked about being signed up for her first pageant without her consent; what she loves about being a beauty queen who has impressive skills as a carpenter; and why the comment her husband’s friend made didn’t bother her.
The conversation has been edited for clarity and brevity.
Q. How did you get into pageants in the first place?
I started competing when I was 19 years old. I was extraordinarily shy. And I came home for spring break from college — ready to rest, relax, do the things that college kids do — to find my mother had signed me up for a pageant. There was zero consultation.
Q. Do you remember what your reaction was?
“Absolutely not.” I was a complete and total tomboy. My dad is a general contractor, and I had kind of grown up with it and grown up around it. The only time I think that I was ever really dressed up or anything was prom. Just wasn’t in my wheelhouse. But she’s like, “You’re getting ready to go into the workforce, you need to learn how to put yourself out there, you need to learn how to interview.”
I was feeling responsible. It’s already been paid for, gotta do it. So I did it. Begrudgingly.
That very first competition I did was in Pennsylvania — originally where I’m from — and I did terrible. Absolutely horrible. I wasn’t prepared. And I’m not sure if I was angry because I didn’t place, or because I wasn’t prepared and that was the reason why I didn’t place. So the competitive spirit, you know, kind of kicked in. But then over the years, what ended up happening is a much grander thing. Connection with people — like-minded people — connecting with peers, having the ability to be able to move people, effect change.
Q. You eventually found some real success, too, right?
Yes, in 2002, I ended up winning Miss North Carolina. I was 27-ish at the time. At that time, that pageant went on to Miss United States. Then that competition went on to Miss World. And due to lots of different circumstances — both of the national directors passed away, they weren’t going to hold it, it was just going to be gone — I ended up relinquishing my title to run the national program. We ran that as a family business for about seven years. But I was out of the competition realm. It was more about running that program and seeing other women’s dreams.
I had somebody tell me, “Well, you worked so hard to get a state title, and you finally got it, and you relinquished it. That must have been really difficult.” And I never really thought of it that way. I thought of it more as an opportunity to be able to give other people an opportunity for themselves to be able to compete at that national level.
So I took a hiatus from competing for almost 20 years. Had kids, got married, did all the life things you typically do.
Q. What lured you back into the pageant world in your 40s?
Well, in 2021, my father — he’s fine now; he just turned 80 years old — but he was in the hospital. And he’s not one to give a lot of life advice. But my mom was out of the room, and he just looked at me and said, “Danelle, do all the things. Do all the things.” I took that as a nod to, “Don’t live a life of regret. If there are things that you want to do, go ahead and pursue them.”
I thought about that person who assumed relinquishing my title had been difficult. I also thought about when I was actually contacted by the state director for North Carolina in 2010 about competing. In 2010, I was very pregnant, and obviously was not in a place that I wanted to compete, and then had pregnancies back to back. But the more I thought about it, I was like, You know? I never really got my shot. And for me, it seemed like a calculated risk, pageantry, Mrs. North Carolina. I’d done it 20 years earlier. Certainly, it’s like riding a bicycle.
So I went home and called our state directors and said, “I’d like to compete.” She said, Well, our pageant’s in six weeks. I thought, Wow, this sounds very reminiscent of the time when I was 19 (when I had to prepare on short notice). “That sounds fantastic. I can’t wait to do it.” And I quickly realized how unprepared I was. So preparation-wise, really kind of did me in at that point. I didn’t place, at all.
And then came the night of the Bob conversation — and things changed from me.
Q. How much did what he said bother you?
I don’t think “bother” is the right word. I think what it did is encourage. I’m not angry about it, at all.
What he was telling me was, “What I know of women — what I know of beauty — is lost in you.” It made me realize that I have a responsibility to convey specific messages to my children. How can I look my children in the face and go, “You can be anything you want to be. You can do anything you want to do. But it stops at a certain age. Can’t do it anymore.” How could I do that for my daughter?
But I also realized that I have a responsibility to convey a specific message to women in my community. I have a responsibility to lift other people up. I have a responsibility to support other women. And if there was a place that I could do that, I would love for that to happen. That’s really where the podcast was born.
I competed again the next year, and made it second runner-up. So, improvement! Was happy about that. And then this last year, just decided to give it one more shot.
I still think about it. (At the Mrs. North Carolina pageant this past May) when it was down to last two, the other gal, I think she was 30 or 31 years old. I immediately thought to myself, Here’s your winner. It’s a beauty pageant. She’s younger, therefore more beautiful. Even I thought that. And ultimately, it made me think, What can we do to transform our thoughts and ideals about what beautiful is? What successful is? What womanhood is?
As the winner, at 50, I consider effecting that kind of change a very heavy responsibility.
Q. Switching gears for a minute: Were you formally schooled as a carpenter?
No. It’s funny that you say that, because you really shouldn’t be working with the type of power tools that I’m working with (laughing), without having extensive, extensive knowledge.
My dad had started up a business here as a general contractor in Charlotte after they moved down here from Pennsylvania. So when I graduated from college at Pitt, I decided to work with him. I ended up working there for the next 12 years — working in the field — while pursuing other fun things that I was doing in life, like pageantry.
I love the creativity that comes along with construction.
Q. Are you making anything specific right now?
I’m working on a table right now — a 10-foot-long black walnut table with resin. It has been quite the project. That is a project that is just specifically for my family. I love the idea of creating something that’s generational; you know, when the table’s done, this isn’t something that we just toss. It’s something that potentially could be passed down to children, and an opportunity to break bread, have meals as a family and do all those kinds of things on there.
I also love to repurpose things. I love the idea of having something that’s already existed in one form and transforming it into something else.
Q. I don’t know if there’s anything to say other than to point out the juxtaposition: carpenter and beauty queen, getting your hands dirty versus putting on makeup and a crown. But —
It’s duality, yeah.
Q. Is that duality something you think about much?
I think about it often. And I think about it often more lately.
We all have dualities. We all live multiple lives and do multiple things. Just being a wife and a mom is two different dualities in itself. And then we have professional life. And we have friends and we have all these different things. People are so multifaceted, and fascinating. I love the idea of things being polar opposites. I love the idea of people being able to look in through the glass window and go, “I’ve always wanted to try XYZ, but I haven’t done it, ’cause it’s not necessarily in my wheelhouse. But if this person can do it, maybe I’ll give it a shot.”
And in fact, I think about that when I think about that story about Bob. Him saying that was a huge pivotal, transitional moment for me. I was stuck, and I do mean that word. I was very much so stuck in everyday life. Nothing wrong with what I was doing. I was being a mom. I was being a wife. I was being a business professional and a business owner. (Editor’s note: The custom-home-building company Martin, a general contractor, co-owns with her husband Chris is M Five Homes.)
But that gap that you talked about — these dualities — it had narrowed. And I like it being wider. People didn’t know me as somebody that would have competed in pageants. That was something that was long ago and had been in my past.
Q. So when people find out you compete in pageants — because, like you mentioned, they can seem silly and trite to some — do you get self-conscious? Do you feel like you have to explain yourself at all?
It comes with an ideal and a notion that I’m automatically unintelligent, right? Those stereotypes exist whether I do anything with it or not. It’s my responsibility — not just as Mrs. North Carolina — it’s my responsibility as a woman to dispel those myths, because people, they go by what they know. They go by what they see in the media, or they go by preconceived notions and biases. And what I tell people is, “Meet people. If you have a preconceived notion about anything — not just pageants, could be a preconceived notion about anything — involve yourself with that person. Find out if those myths are myths, or they’re truths.”
You can look at pageants as silly and trite, or you can look at them as celebrating smart, driven, focused women who are looking to make a difference, be a civil servant, and live a life of service.
So when somebody says something to me, I think, What can I do to dispel that myth for you? How can I make you feel more comfortable about pageantry, me in general, the things that I have going on in my life?
Q. Any final words about pageants, or carpentry, or ... Bob?
(Laughing.) By the way, he’s the nicest guy ever. And Bob was not the only one. I heard a lot of it. I heard it from friends. I heard it from family. “What are you doing?” Super-discouraging. “You are 50 years old. I would feel so silly parading around in a swimsuit.” “Don’t you feel ridiculous wearing a crown and banner?”
At the same time, I also hear from people who are like, “You don’t look 50.” But I’m fine with looking 50. I’ve earned every single year of it. That’s not as important to me as people that say, “You know, I’ve thought about doing this. Thought about competing.” Or, “I’ve thought about going to go get my nurse practitioner’s license.” “I was thinking about going to law school, but I’m 60 and everyone told me I was too old. But I’ve seen you’ve done this —”
It’s a beacon of hope. What’s sad is some people look at 50 as an age where, “Oh, it’s over.” But there’s a long life to live yet. I certainly hope so anyway. So if I can be the beacon of hope for people to be able to accomplish goals and dreams, that’s a victory for me.
America’s sweetheart?
The Mrs. America Pageant is providing an opportunity for fans to vote one state winner into the Top 15. To cast a vote for Danelle Martin: Visit mrsamerica.com/delegates-2024, then scroll down to “North Carolina” and click on Martin’s photo; you will be re-directed to vote via PayPal, with entries costing $5 each.
This story was originally published August 7, 2024 at 6:00 AM.
