My gym has weird rules
The Dowd YMCA strongly suggests that members leave the fitness area when taking calls on their cell phones.
“People come to the Y to find balance – to realign spirit, mind and body,” explains YMCA spokeswoman Molly Thompson.
Well, right down Morehead Street, we card-carrying members (and imbalanced, malaligned savages?) of Fitness Connection do not observe this rule (even though it technically is one). We are kept in line, however, with quite the list of safety and etiquette tips that scroll on screens throughout the gym:
Gazing: Please don’t stare at other members while they work out. It is rude and distracting.
This etiquette tip actually makes me anxious. I have a tendency to space out and stare into the abyss when I’m working out, and sometimes a gentleman’s sculpted backside is on the treadmill in front of my elliptical. Men are people, too. I get that. But I might not avert my eyes.
For your SECURITY… Please respect the privacy of others. Management asks that you refrain from taking pictures and/or videos of other members at all times!
Sometimes this message pops up in Spanish. Corey translated it for me. I don’t feel compelled to take pictures here. I’m generally too busy gazing at the empty, awe-inspiring patch of grass in front of the Westin from the comfort of my favorite treadmill.
(Aside: I took this photo outside of the gym, in front of my favorite treadmill. I have good cell phone etiquette.)
Spills: If a water spill occurs, please clean it up quickly or notify a staff member.
For as frequently as I dump my morning coffee down my body, my clumsiness has not yet triggered this issue. I am a wild success.
We are all connected, so please wipe down the equipment after using.
I am diligent about this. I sweat like a monster, for which I affectionately blame my mother’s genetic makeup. Fitness Connection has an abundance of paper towel dispensers and chemical-filled squirt bottles to get the job done. Evidence:
Be courteous – no cursing or bullying others.
Suddenly, I’m itching to scream obscenities. Or sing along to the Waka Flocka Flame song on my “Fast!” playlist.
Don’t get me wrong. I love this place. I enjoy the little white cups I often find filled with protein shake samples that taste like 77 percent chocolate milkshake, 23 percent chalk. The people who work here generally say “hi” to me.
But what’s with the tips? A representative at the Fitness Connection corporate office was not immediately reachable.
No matter. One can only pause to ponder a little. Sweat a lot. And then move forward.
This story was originally published May 28, 2015 at 1:36 AM with the headline "My gym has weird rules."