How to deal with your COVID-19 anxiety: A Charlotte therapist says it’s not all bad

Anxiety can feel like an unavoidable emotion these days. In the midst of COVID-19, with confirmed cases climbing, workplaces shut down and shelter-in-place orders instituted around the world, it’s very normal to feel a wide array of emotions, from fear to uncertainty, frustration, loneliness, sadness, guilt and overall uneasiness.

Oftentimes this myriad of emotions can masquerade as a general sense of anxiety. Because anxiety is uncomfortable, our natural response may be to try to eliminate or manage it by distracting ourselves, staying busy or practicing calming techniques. There is certainly some value in these things. However, eliminating anxiety altogether may not be the best goal, because what we are anxious about can tell us a lot about what our deeper needs are.

Understanding anxiety for what it is

The first thing we must acknowledge is that anxiety itself is not all bad. The fight-or-flight response brought on by adrenaline is actually an adaptive impulse meant to protect us in the face of real danger. Consider the situation of being confronted by a bear while alone in the wilderness. Remaining calm and nonplussed would not be ideal. The body’s natural adrenaline response tells us that is it appropriate to run to safety.

Similarly, in the face of a global pandemic, a healthy dose of fear can motivate us into action — to take appropriate precautions, prepare wisely and do what is necessary to protect ourselves and others. However, anxiety can also become a hindrance, consuming our thoughts and emotions, robbing us of sleep, interfering with relationships and keeping us from carrying out our responsibilities effectively.

As a counselor, a question I often hear is, “Where is the line?” In a helpful way, this question acknowledges the need to keep anxiety in its rightful place, so that it does not come to dominate one’s entire being. However, finding the proverbial “line” can be difficult, and techniques such as distraction, mindfulness and self-care — helpful as they may be — do not necessarily address the deeper needs and questions beneath the surface of anxiety. A better question than, “How can I manage my anxiety?” is to ask oneself, “What is my anxiety telling me?”

Learning to listen

Rather than fighting your anxiety, imagine what it would it look like to listen thoughtfully to it, allowing it to lead you into the space where your true needs lie.

When we allow anxiety, which is often a secondary emotion, to lead us to the primary emotions beneath the surface of our awareness — emotions such as fear, loneliness, sadness, etc., we are able to meet some of those core needs in a more lasting way, rather than just managing the symptoms.

For example, if you are able to identify that your anxiety is actually being driven by a sense of sadness or disappointment at missing a significant family event, a postponed graduation ceremony, or canceled wedding, this realization may be the first step to facilitating a healthy grieving process. If fear over financial security is beneath the surface of your anxiety, the most pressing need may be to take a realistic look at your needs and resources, and do some intentional planning, prioritizing and budgeting for the future. If the core emotion beneath your anxiety is loneliness, identifying this may reveal the need to find creative ways to reach out to your community through platforms like FaceTime, Zoom or other technology.

From a spiritual perspective, naming our specific fears and emotional needs can also help draw us toward the hope and comfort found in a higher power. Acknowledging spiritual needs can help facilitate a process within which our faith more deeply intersects with our experience. Times like these may also bring doubts and questions to the surface of awareness. While it may be tempting to want to push these aside in order to maintain a sense of stability, leaning in and engaging with them may actually help challenge, refine and strengthen our belief systems.

Don’t go it alone

Learning to listen to our anxiety takes work and reflection, and may be overwhelming when taken on in isolation. Perhaps now more than ever, the support of community is paramount. While social distancing can make it more difficult to maintain contact in the ways we normally do, opening up to others can help lessen the weight of the burdens we carry. Many counselors are offering telehealth or video sessions, and technology makes it possible to stay connected to community even when physically separated.

The journey toward self-discovery is one that requires intentionality, but leaning into this process contributes to lasting growth that transcends circumstances, because it is rooted in a knowledge of self.

With increased demands on our time and energy, it can be easy to go into “survival mode” and to oscillate between moments of panic and apathy, depending on what we read on the news that day, or what sorts of personal crises we are faced with. Attending to our emotional needs can often be overlooked in times like these, but it is perhaps the best investment we can make. The better we understand what our needs are, the less control they have over us, and the more effectively we can care for ourselves and others.

Heather Durham is a licensed mental health counselor associate who practices at Bareiter Counseling Center in Elizabeth. She is originally from Connecticut, and moved to Charlotte to attend her alma mater, Davidson College. She works with adults, adolescents and couples, and has a particular interest in helping individuals navigate challenges such as anxiety, self-esteem issues, career exploration and life transition.

This story was originally published April 24, 2020 at 10:03 AM.