Who Gets to Call Themselves a ‘Mom'?

The notion that Mother's Day is exclusively for mothers only may be a dying one-though many parents are not letting the idea go without a fight.

Lately, the word "mom" has expanded beyond its traditional meaning, with many arguing that society should celebrate mothers of all kinds on May 10.

Women who don’t have children of their own are sharing their experiences, arguing that being a "dog mom" or "plant mom" for example shouldn’t be shrugged off as a novelty. Many told Newsweek it reflects a deep sense of responsibility, care, and emotional attachment, particularly among people who are childfree by choice or circumstance.

That shift has also exposed a fault line. Experts in family science and sociology told Newsweek the debate has become less about words and more about recognition-who gets seen for their care and whose labor still feels overlooked. With Mother's Day approaching, those tensions between women who label themselves moms have come into sharper focus.

The Decline of Traditional Motherhood

In the U.S., parenting is becoming less common and more delayed. According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the general fertility rate fell for the fourth consecutive year in 2025 to 53.1 births per 1,000 women ages 15–44, marking another record low.

With fewer children being born overall, the total fertility rate has dropped well below replacement level, which is considered to be 2.1 children per woman, changing expectations around what family life looks like for many people.

Cost is also a major factor in declining birth rates. The 2025 American Family Survey found more than seven in 10 Americans believe raising children is unaffordable, the highest share recorded since the survey began in 2015.

Many women are also choosing childfreedom. A Pew Research Center survey found that 47 percent of adults aged 18–49 without children said it is unlikely they will ever have children. Among those under 40, a significant portion said this is a deliberate choice, not a temporary delay.

Against this demographic backdrop, experts say the rise of "pet parenting" reflects broader shifts in how care, family, and identity are defined-rather than a rejection of parenthood.

Tensions Run High

The divide has been playing out loudly online in the leadup to Mother's Day. On social media, some users-particularly women dealing with infertility or loss-want to mark the day on their own terms, but not all moms are comfortable with the concept of motherhood being expanded.

For childfree dog mom of five Eliza Hesford, routine revolves entirely around her dogs. The 45-year-old commercial manager explained that she feeds her dogs, administers medication, manages their behavior, cleans up after them, and deals with their emotions on a daily basis.

"If I don't use the term ‘dog mom,’ then what am I? It would be so wrong to refer to myself as ‘owner,'" Hesford told Newsweek. "I have to advocate 100 percent for my dogs, whereas a child can advocate for themselves."

For mothers raising young children, however, language can feel loaded.

Danniella, who has a one-year-old daughter, said that while she understands why some people turn to pets as a focus of care-particularly when having children feels financially or practically out of reach-she sees that reality as evidence of difference, not equivalence.

"If you are choosing not to have children due to the cost and difficulty and therefore responsibility that comes with it, and you instead get a pet, you are admitting that a pet is not the same level of responsibility," the 30-year-old told Newsweek. "[It] is a wise decision to make, as you have considered a lot to get to that point."

That tension, she believes, is intensified by how misunderstood motherhood itself can feel.

"The title of ‘mom' carries a level of responsibility that a lot of people will never understand," she said. "Your whole existence revolves around another human being, and they are all that consumes your life for so many years. Every life decision you make includes them."

In direct messages shared with Newsweek, many women without children echoed a similar sentiment: deep care and responsibility for pets can exist without being equated to raising a child.

Several said they were careful not to compare the experiences, and instead, they framed their use of language around commitment-showing up daily, meeting needs, and forming emotional bonds-while acknowledging that caring for an animal is ultimately different, and often easier.

"Motherhood is a spectrum," one new mom told Newsweek. For many, the debate was less about claiming the title of "mom" and more about naming care without diminishing motherhood itself, a line they said they were keenly aware of-and careful not to cross.

The debate has peaked recently for a reason, according to Kaitlynn Blyth, a family life educator and founder of Happy Day Play Family Learning. Her work draws on family science traditions that view families as evolving social systems shaped by function, culture and context across the life course.

"Mother's Day is one of the few days a year when caregiving gets publicly named, celebrated, and commercialized," Blyth told Newsweek. "The intensity of this debate isn't really about the words ‘dog' or ‘plant' in front of ‘mom,' it's about the anxiety and lack of feeling seen underneath them."

Blyth believes that when someone calls themselves a "dog mom" or a "plant mom," they're describing the care they give to something they genuinely love. Most aren't trying to replace or equate that with raising a child.

For Hesford that rings true. "The reason I say dog mom is to specifically distinguish from the fact that you're a mom and I'm a dog mom," she said. "If anything, I'm recognizing that your job is really serious, just like mine is serious in different ways."

Why The Conversation Feels So Fraught

The impulse to push back so strongly on language often stems from a deeper place, Blyth said.

"The impulse to police the word ‘mom' when you're experiencing motherhood with a tiny human usually comes from a place of feeling unseen, underappreciated, and unsupported," she explained.

In the U.S., many mothers are parenting without paid leave, affordable childcare, or extended family support.

"When a mother is that depleted, watching someone post a Mother's Day brunch with her goldendoodle can feel like an erasure," Blyth said. "The gatekeeping is a symptom of scarcity, [not] a defense of meaning."

Blyth believes the argument itself misses the point. Different forms of care can coexist without threatening one another, she said, and energy spent policing language often detracts from what Mother's Day is meant to offer: recognition, reflection, and joy.

"My advice is to try to not allow it to bother you if it doesn't," she said. "Mother's Day is your day and you should focus on what fills you."

Ivett Szalma, an associate professor of sociology at Corvinus University of Budapest and principal investigator of the Reproductive Sociology Research Group at the ELTE Centre for Social Sciences, recently co‑authored research comparing caregiving and emotional bonds in dog and child parenting.

"Terms such as ‘dog mom' or ‘pet parenting' evoke particularly strong reactions because they touch upon several deeper social questions at once," Szalma told Newsweek. "Not only do they challenge conventional understandings of kinship and family, but they also call into question an anthropocentric worldview."

Her findings also underscore a crucial distinction. While many women described dogs as family members-even as "children"-they were clear that caring for a child carries greater, long‑term moral, emotional, and social responsibility.

"Recognizing the emotional significance of caring for dogs does not mean equating dogs with children," Szalma said. "Rather, it means acknowledging that care, attachment, and family-like emotional bonds can exist in different forms."

Blaming childfree people or pet parents, she noted, oversimplifies a far more complex reality.

"Rather than blaming people who do not want children, societies should focus on supporting those who do wish to have children,” she said.

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This story was originally published May 10, 2026 at 6:30 AM.