Is there something wrong with a country that has suddenly decided it hates candy corn?
Candy corn is festive, it’s small, and everyone knows it tastes better if you eat it one color at a time.
A website called candystore.com has released the results of a survey (they claim they asked 40,000 people) naming the 10 Worst and 10 Best Halloween Candies.
On the list of worst, we have no argument with the No. 1: Circus peanuts. Circus peanuts should have been left behind with the guys who swept up after the elephants in the days when it was still OK to have elephants at the circus.
But the No. 2 spot was disturbing: Candy corn.
Look, candy corn is not a trick-or-treater thing. Candy corn is a bowl thing, something you put out in your office all October because . . . it’s October. Check that bowl at the end of the day. It will be empty. Why is it empty? Because everyone grabs a handful whenever they pass the bowl. That isn’t the sign of a candy everyone hates.
Have we become too boring and predictable in our candy choices? Take a look at the 10 Best and try to hold back your yawns:
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. (OK, we’ll agree as long as you remember to put them in the refrigerator, where they achieve their best texture).
2. Snickers. (Double yawn.)
3. Twix. (Triple yawn. They’re just cookie sticks.)
4. Kit Kat. (Give us a break.)
5. M&Ms. (OK, as long as you make them peanut.)
6. Nerds. (They’re just Smarties without the wrapper.)
7. Butterfinger. (At No. 7, below Snickers? Who are these people?)
8. Sour Patch Kids. (The one candy kids can trust that their parents won’t want to eat.)
9. Skittles. (Chewy, but that’s about it.)
10. Hershey Bar. (The most boring chocolate bar of all time.)
Now, the worst, from top to bottom:
1. Circus peanuts.
2. Candy corn.
3. Wax bottles. (Who still gives these out?)
4. Necco wafers. (Save them for Valentine’s, when they’re better as hearts.)
5. Peanut butter kisses. (Too many allergy problems.)
6. Tootsie Rolls (seriously, America hates Tootsies now?)
7. Smarties. (Yes, they’re chalky. But they’re like tiny tart hockey pucks.)
8. Licorice. (Agreed. America has the world’s worst licorice.)
9. Good & Plenty. (Candy-covered licorice. Bleh.)
10. Mary Janes. (Not nearly as good as Bit-O-Honey.)
Seriously, though: Does candy corn really deserve to be on any list that didn’t include wax lips as the worst?