‘He truly loved people’: Dan Starks, Charlotte-based self-defense guru, dies at 73
When people would ask self-defense guru Dan Starks about how life was going, he’d often respond, “Just another day in paradise,” his partner Connie Smigiel said.
Starks, 73, died on Feb. 18, leaving behind the “paradise” he created for himself, his family and the thousands of individuals he helped throughout his 34-year-long personal safety career.
“He was a big teddy bear,” Smigiel told the Observer about Starks, who stood 6-feet-2. “He truly loved people and wanted to keep them safe.”
Starks founded the Starks Training Institute, Inc in 1988 after moving to Charlotte from his hometown of Rochester, New York, two years prior. For the next three decades, he taught people how to protect themselves through seminars and concealed carry and safety and awareness classes.
“Safety was his primary focus and he drilled it into everybody’s heads at all the classes,” Smigiel said.
‘Love at first sight’
Smigiel’s son introduced his mother to Starks in 2000. Smigiel said it was “love at first sight.”
“We met, and we truly cared for each other right way,” she said.
Not long after they began dating, Smigiel decided to use her public relations and marketing expertise to help Starks grow his business. The two would meet every weekday in their home office, which they called the “war room,” to figure out ways to expand.
Soon after joining forces, the couple began getting calls from NBC, CBS, ABC and other stations about potential television series, Smigiel said.
Starks would host “Don’t be a Victim” and “Partners Against Crime” on WCNC-TV, in addition to radio program, “Starks Reality” on WBT 1110 AM. He won an Emmy Award for his “Don’t be a Victim” series, which was nominated 11 times while on air.
“Every year we would go to Nashville with our big team,” Smigiel said of where the award ceremony was held. “What an honor and true experience that was. It’s something I’ll never forget.”
A ‘big brother’ to many
Starks was a member of the American Women’s Self-Defense Organization, Charlotte Crimestoppers, the FBI’s InfraGard, National Range Officers Association and the National Speakers Association, according to his obituary.
The Knights of Malta, a Roman Catholic religious order, knighted Starks on Jan. 13, 2012. That was one of his most prestigious honors, Smigiel said.
Although Starks received a number of honors and worked with many organizations, his students always came first.
“Dan would always tell his students, ‘I don’t care where you are, I don’t care what time of day or night, if you need me, you call me,’” according to Smigiel.
His most “wonderful accolades” were his students’ testimonials, she said.
Tonya Jones, a friend and former student of Starks, met him during a concealed carry class in 2008 and he became like a “big brother” to her.
“He had a heart for teaching people, especially women, about how to not be a victim,” Jones said. “He had a very gentle spirit about him, and a passion for keeping people safe.”
A ‘life partner’
When Starks wasn’t teaching lessons, he loved riding on his motorcycle through the Blue Ridge Parkway in Blowing Rock, traveling across the country and shooting his guns, Smigiel said.
And whatever Starks did, he had Smigiel by his side.
“We worked together, we lived together, we played together and we had such a unique relationship,” she said. “We liked everything the same. He was the love of my life, we just loved to be together.”
What Smigiel said she’ll miss most about her life partner is his sense of humor, the quiet days they used to spend together drinking coffee, and his magnetic personality.
“I can’t tell you what a blessing it was to have Dan,” she said.
To continue Starks’ legacy, Smigiel said she will be running the self-defense classes going forward. There is not a definitive date for when classes will commence, but the goal is around mid-summer, she said.
For now, Smigiel said she is taking time off from the business to grieve.
“I do believe it was my Dan’s time, and I miss him terribly,” she said. “It’s just like my heart is ripped out.”
Starks is survived by Smigiel, of Charlotte; sisters Mary Beth Musto of Webster, New York, and Donna Jean Meisenzahl of Rochester, New York; stepson Adrian Smigiel and his wife, Alicia; and his many friends and students.
This story was originally published March 20, 2022 at 6:00 AM.
