Celebrate language with a smile for the simile

International Mother Language Day, which is Friday, celebrates the native tongues of the world. As a lover of the English language and, in particular, the simile, it’s a big day in my house.

Why so smitten with this humble literary device? Because the simile, like a bike pump to a deflated tire, animates mere words. I offer some here for your enjoyment:

• Evan sensed the longing in his heart was not the kind of silent thing that could be ignored forever without consequence, like the schwa.

• As surely as using powers of invisibility only to punch mimes, Jeff tended not to realize the full potential of his gifts.

• Lou reread the complaint and concluded, like putting on protective eyewear before watching a documentary on welding, he was overthinking things.

• There was a sudden sense of disconnect everyone present could feel, as unmistakably as hearing “Enter Sandman” during a deep-tissue massage.

• Like a rookie cowboy unwilling to say “it’s not my first rodeo”, Paisley’s literal nature sometimes worked against him.

• Ozzy knew he was onto something good, as undeniably as the guy who came up with “one size fits most”.

• Jay made every physical therapy session but, like a man who takes his cholesterol meds with gravy, was often his own worst enemy.

• Scott found himself as lost for words as a breakfast café manager trying to describe just how briskly the hotcakes were selling.

• Like a lector staring down at the Christmas Eve genealogy reading at church, Jed had no idea how he’d get through the next five minutes.

• Erich knew his mistake, while not as bad as confusing “Peter and the Wolf” by Prokofiev with “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran, wouldn’t soon be forgotten.

• Paul smiled vacantly, like a man unsure whether Gluten was a protein composite or NHL goalie.

• Comparing efforts to the result, Tommy was as crestfallen as a veterinarian who’d invented a way to translate dog-barking, only to find they’re just saying “bark” and “woof.”

• Doug went without a pocket square which, like an ESPN GameDay acronym-sign using 14 letters, was simply too much of a good thing.

• Ralph quietly took in the sunrise but knew, like driving with Catholic school alumnae when “Only The Good Die Young” plays on the radio, the silence wouldn’t last.

• Hugh looked at Conner’s face and realized, as certainly as a patient describing knee-pain to an ear, nose and throat specialist, he’d missed an important context clue.

• Like a “Forgot Password?” prompt on an amnesia symptoms website, Geri found Greg’s remark equal parts thoughtless and unhelpful.

• The investment thesis was interesting but, as surely as wearing face-paint to a funeral, it begged a follow-up question.

• The accident happened so quickly that Al, as speechless as Achilles trying to describe the location of his heel pain, said nothing in the witness interview.

Decadent? Perhaps, but it’s the day for giving our language its due. If these brought a smile to your face, don’t thank me. Thank the simile.